Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I've genuinely been really stressed lately. I'm not the type to talk about my feelings, and sometimes that affects me badly. I have all these mixed emotions, all this anger, building up day by day, hidden behind a smile. Hidden behind my staged excitement and hyperactivity. The worst part is, half of the time, I don't even know why I'm stressed. I'll get scared for no reason, and angry over the smallest things. I was never like this before. I was never constantly angry, or sad, or cranky. I never hid my emotions from the people I love. I never took in every bit of surrounding negativity. I was never focused on past events. But now, well, everything's different now. I can't help feeling frustrated when things go wrong. I put myself down for every mistake I make, or have ever made. I have abandonment issues. I expect everyone to leave at some point, but then when it actually happens, my whole world is turned upside down for a series of days, to weeks, to months. As I said before though, I smile and shrug it off in the presence of others, while I'm slowly breaking inside. It's gotten to the point where every time I get hurt, I'm scared to cry, in fear that no one will care. I understand that there are people who love and care about me, but I never know exactly how long that will last. I'm an extremely emotional person, so I overreact to small things. And then I get scolded for that. But I can't help it. It's how I am. I like to be alone, because no one understands me the way I'd like them to. I feel like if I'm around people, all I'll do is ruin their day. I need to work on that. I heard that writing helps decrease stress. So here I am. There's a lot more that I'd like to share, but that's for another time.