Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

The heartbreaking truth about being the person who I am and why I push the people I care about away. It's like walking on a bridge made of glass we've always been careful of opening up to new people. Sometimes even changing whatever connection we make with someone even before it starts. Before a Mutual understanding is created . Before love happens. And I can't blame anyone for being this way because I myself constantly push people away. I tend to push away the people who tried to step into my life and make a conscious effort and not letting them break the wall by carefully bill for my own reasons. I push and always push because that's my only way of protecting myself. This is exactly why I push people away because I'm scared. It's not always the unknown Heights reptiles or the dark that people are afraid of. Sometimes wear also scared of exposing or vulnerable size scared of experience heartache and pain once again. Scared of someone seeing the monster inside me. Scared with the thought of being left all over again. And ask someone vulnerable and whose emotions are often at its peak afraid of giving the ability to tamper with them to just anybody. Because as simple as having a new person in my life sounds and no matter how pure oil this stranger's feelings towards me is letting someone in is just as terrifying as letting someone go because both require a certain amount of strength the strength to open the door and the strength to close the door for good I push people away because Franklin I have certain standards and don't we all have it's either you met these standards or you didn't maybe that's hard but it's the truth that I uphold Others May want someone who enjoys these life of a party but I may want someone soon I could spend a Friday night with three other fall in love with someone who's bright and happy while I may prefer to fall in love with someone who just as broken as I am Others May want someone who they could hold him quiz in front of the Rising sun while I may want someone who I could cuddle with under the stars and the night sky besides isn't falling in love in a way a matter of preferences? However we never will I ever think that this is unfair because this is me simply knowing who and what I want this is me pushing people away because I know who I deserve. Maybe I push people away because I'm not yet ready that's how simple it is. Maybe be having an emotional attachment to someone news still frightens me and maybe that's how it will always be. Because as great as it is no one is ever ready to be completely attached much more to fall in love with someone anyway ever won gifts does it this happens but pushing people away because I don't feel ready yet is my choice and yes i do no that i go about it in some of the most fuck up ways and yes i do fill bad about it I don't like to play with other people's emotions maybe I also push people away because I prefer where we stand app time plays a big part for people like me I seem to push people away as a headache because it was mostly helped me in my healing process. Slow them down because I want to test how long you're going to hold on Leslie I slowed them down not just because I don't want to take certain ribs but also because I appreciate the beauty in Falling Slowly. I push people away because I want to wait for someone who makes an effort to stay. Sometimes people like me who tend to push others away do and say things I don't mean and an unconscious attempt to support the wall I've created but the truth is I always wish you'd stay and maybe it when I push you the hardest when I need you the most the best people in my life are those who stay even when it's dark when the road seems rough even when there's a thunderstorm inside I will not be shaken by these adversities nor prevent me from walking on the street on a rainy night in stairs they will walk with me hand in hand because they understand they will allow us to cry and wallow inside ourselves because they know as much as we do that we consider them all home we can go back to after dark and rainy night I think that those who pushed people the hardest are also the ones who low the most tenderly because when the time comes that we no longer push you is also the kind that we have proven that your love for me has conquered our fears keep in mind that we only do this to Shield our protective bubble and not because we don't want you in our lives the pull me back pull me when I push you because that's just me showing you how weak I could be. Hold me when I'm scared call me when I feel not ready to me when my most vulnerable only because I need you I need to see for you go for me for whatever it is you feel and for whatever connections you want to stay between us I want to see you patient not solely because I'm texting you but also because I want to know whether your love for me is as much as your fear of losing me I want to see you stay when I push you because that's when I'm the weakest that's when I need you the most desperately.so there it is the heart breaking truth .taylormade