Category : Books-Fiction

Sub Category : Drama

 Chapter 1

  I just want to sleep. The pillow drenched in my tears, sticks to my cheek as I try to swallow the painful lump in my throat. I can still feel the sting of his hand on my face. "Stop crying", I tell myself. I'm afraid he will hear me and start in again. He hated when I or the kids cried, it sent him spiraling out of control.

I just finally got the kids to sleep. I don't want to risk waking them with yet another fight, so I take slow breaths to calm myself. My eyes were heavy but refused to close as I lay there afraid to move.  Hopefully tomorrow he would wake up in a good mood. I was already planning on waking up early to make his favorite breakfast, my mom's famous biscuits and homemade sausage gravy. I made it for him after the first night we spent together. He was so charming back then, and so sweet. He loved my cooking, in fact, he loved everything about me. I'm not sure what changed for us, or where it all went wrong. I still tried everyday to be the perfect wife to make him happy. I cooked, I cleaned, I spent my days raising our two children and yet, he never seemed satisfied. Could he tell that my mind was elsewhere? I carry the guilt everyday as I continue to think about the mystery girl from the club. I see her face in my dreams as I reach out to her, her picture fades and I see him. He's angry, he's always angry. 

 It's been so long since the first time he hurt me. It began with words so sharp, my heart bled. I must have done something wrong as I tried to make sense of it. The tears fell down my face as I tried to apologize, suddenly I was on the floor. I couldn't speak as I gasped for air, it all happened so fast. A kick in the gut took my breath away. I rolled over onto my stomach then pushed myself up on all fours as my airways opened up allowing me to take a breath. I called out to him with an empty sorrowful plea. I wanted him to stop, to see that he hurt me and come back with an apology, but I was always the one who said sorry. I just needed it to end. 



  Morning came too soon as I rubbed the sleep from my swollen eyes. I was relieved that he already left for work before I woke up, I really wasn't in the mood to make breakfast anyway. I jumped up quickly before my boys came in. I needed to inspect myself  for bruises and any signs from our fight last night. A routine that I have comfortably settled into to hide the fact that their father was so cruel. 


 I fed the kids and put on their favorite movie while I got ready. We planned to meet up with Lauren and her kids at the park then head out to lunch. I shut my bathroom door as slipped out of my nightgown. I didn't recognize the person looking back at me. I can see the faded marks from his fists where he hit me the week prior. He always knew exactly where to lay his hands on me so the bruises would be hidden. I turned around to see the dark purple spots from last night. I guess I won't be wearing the sundress I had planned on wearing. I turned on the water and stepped into the shower, a little colder than I am used to, but I needed something to wake me up. 


 Standing under the water as it hit my face I closed my eyes, and for a moment I saw her face. I imagined her lips on mine and I reached down to touch myself. I could almost feel her breath on the back of my neck as my fingers slipped easily inside me as I became wet with just a thought of her. Before I realized what was going on, I found myself at the bottom of my white granite shower watching the blood from my mouth escape down the drain with the water. I closed my eyes and sobbed as he kicked my ribs repeatedly. He was naked as he bent down and grabbed my hair and yanked me up. I knew better than to scream, it would only exacerbate the situation so I held it in. The well know painful lump in my neck crept up as I swallowed back the tears. He bent me over and thrusted himself inside me while talking to me through gritted angry teeth, “You don't need to touch yourself, I'll fuck ya when nobody else will.” When he finished, he pushed me out of the shower onto the hard, cold tile and ordered me to clean up the wet mess I made as he stood in the shower. 


  “Daddy!” I heard as my boys ran into the bathroom after I cleaned up and got dressed. He was strong as he scooped them up into his arms and tickled them both. They giggled with excitement that their daddy was home so early in the day. “Go get dressed, Mommy and Daddy are taking you to the zoo!” he said as he ushered them to their rooms. My voice, still shaky from earlier, I spoke up, “I had plans to meet with Lauren and the kids at the park for a picnic.” I pleaded. Backing me into the wall he whispered into my ear, “Cancel your plans, it's family day.” It was pointless to argue, I fought back the tears as I combed my hair. When he walked out of the room I picked up my phone trying to find the words to text Lauren. I knew she would be upset and go on and on about how I need to leave him, but I wasn't in the mood to deal with this, so I lied. I told her that Drew woke up with a tummy ache and we needed to cancel. We planned to reschedule in a few days if he felt better. 


  The boys were so hyper as I packed up the diaper bag. Drew was excited to see the bears while David couldn't stop talking about giant turtle. Josh walked into the kitchen behind me and kissed my cheek. I wanted wipe it off as his whiskers scraped my face as he pulled away. It took everything inside me to put on a smile in front of the boys. It was important that I protect them from the ugly truth. 


  The boys were having a blast as they ran around seeing all of the animals. The anteater was a new favorite for them. I was literally melting in the heat as we wandered around. That summer dress would be awful nice right about now as I fanned myself with the map of the zoo. Josh held my hand as we strolled around while the boys ran in front of us pointing out everything they saw. He was always so kind when we were in public, everyone believed that we had a fairytale life. He went to great lengths making sure the world knew how lucky I was to have him. It worked. Everyone except Lauren, who knew the truth, went out of their way to tell me how lucky I was to have him. My stomach would turn as I smiled kindly and thanked them.


  Josh was a real catch, or so I thought, when we were first dating. Tall and handsome, dark thick hair and crystal blue eyes, with a smile that made me melt each time. However, it was his charm that hooked me. He was a real gentleman, I always thought it was too good to be true when he asked me to marry him. All of my dreams were coming true, I was planning a wedding with the most wonderful man. We picked our venue, tasted cakes, picked out flowers and planned our honeymoon. Life was perfect. 


  We said “I Do” in front of a few close friends, neither of us had much family close so we kept it small. Outdoors at a charming little ranch on the outskirts of town. We strung white lights around the little trees as everyone sat on blankets adorned with flower petals. Each blanket had its own picnic basket with a bottle of wine, crackers and cheese with fresh fruit for the guests. We hired someone to play the piano softly in the background. It was absolutely magical. 


 That night we slept under the stars, in the back of his old pickup truck. We made love, he was so gentle and giving. We fell asleep naked with our bodies entwined into each other. It was a fairytale, our fairytale. That morning we caught our plane to Hawaii, where we would spend the next two weeks in paradise. Or so I thought.


 The car pulled up to the hotel and a nice man in a dark suit rushed over to get my door, then proceeded to the trunk where he loaded our bags on a trolley. “Right this way.” he gestured for us to go ahead of him. Making small talk as he ushered us to the front desk, he asked where we from and if we were celebrating anything. Of course, I gushed as I held out my left hand to show the new sparkly diamond I was wearing. He held my hand for a moment to get a closer look, “Exquisite!” he smiled as he spoke. We were next in line to check in and the nice gentleman waited as we got our key. He held out his hand and I gave it to him. “Ahh, 319. The honeymoon suite.” He smiled and winked at me. 



  The man in the dark suit pulled the trolley as he led the way to our room. I was looking around and taking it all in. I have heard many nice things about the Mauna Kea resort and I was thrilled to finally be here. We walked down an open corridor that looked out to the ocean. I have never seen water that blue as the waves crashed against the rocks. People were beginning to scatter as the clouds blew in and the rain came. I didn't mind a little rain, we were in paradise and nothing was going to get me down. 


 He unlocked our door and pulled in the trolley. I walked in past a beautiful foyer with marble floors into an open room with high ceilings. It smelled like coconut and mint. There was a large picturesque window, and French doors that opened to a private balcony. The white sheer curtains blew as the wind outside grew stronger. There was a loveseat with a glass coffee table in the main room, off to the left there was a little kitchenette with an open bar. Sitting on the counter was a big basket filled with local goodies. “Congratulations Newlyweds” the card read. I looked over and smiled at Josh, he gave a quick smile as he tipped the man in the dark suit and closed the door behind him. 


 Josh turned to look at me, he slowly walked towards me. I was excited as I anticipated his touch. He pulled me close to him as I reached up to put my arms around his neck. I got goosebumps when he grabbed the back of my hair, he knew I liked that. As he got closer he whispered into my ear, “So do you want to fuck him?” At first I laughed as I was confused, “Fuck who?” I giggled, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Was he kidding? I've never seen Josh act this way. 


“Don't play innocent”, he snapped. “I saw the way he held your hand and winked at you, you want him.” What was happening, I didn't understand why he was saying these things. I was rushing through every detail in my head trying to pinpoint what I did wrong to cause Josh to act this way. He still had his hands tangled in the back of my hair. He tightened his grip and yanked me down to the ground. It all happened so fast as he kicked me repeatedly in my stomach. 



 It felt like forever before he finally stopped. I laid curled up sobbing on the floor. I whimpered over and over, “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.” I heard his footsteps as they walked away. I jumped at the sound of ice jingling in a glass as he poured himself a drink. He slammed it down on the table then before I knew it, he was curled up next me. He cried as he apologized. He didn't like how I looked at the guy. He said just loved me so much and was so afraid to lose me. I was confused, but this man loved me and I loved him. I rolled over and through my tears I kissed him and forgave him. That night we made love on the floor while the rain slammed into the windows.



                       Chapter 2



  It had been a few days since our impromptu trip to the zoo. Josh seemed a bit more relaxed than he had been before. I walked on eggshells hoping not to set him off. I woke up early to make him a fried egg sandwich before he headed off to work. I sat quietly at the table sipping my coffee while he devoured his breakfast. “What are your plans today?” He inquired coldly. “I thought I would take the boys to the water park and have a picnic.” I casually responded as I took a drink of my coffee.

“I want dinner on the table when I get home from work, I'm craving the lasagna you make.” He barked. 

“Of course, I'll go to the store after the park.” I smiled nervously. He stood up, kissed me on the forehead and left. I used to love when he kissed me like that, now it just made my skin crawl.



  I started a load of laundry before I woke the kids to feed them breakfast. I needed to get out of the house a little earlier than I planned so I could make it to the store after the park. I didn't want to risk making Josh angry. My bruises were beginning to fade, and I didn't want fresh ones. Although I feel that each time my body cleared up from the marks he left on me, he would add fresh ones. It's like he needed to leave his mark, just another way to control me. 


  The boys were up and watching cartoons while they ate their pancakes and fruit when my phone vibrated. It was Lauren asking if Drew was feeling better. I forgot to text her to let her know everything was good. I invited her along to the water park so the kids could play and we could chat. I could use a little girl time. 


 It was already hot out as I loaded the boys into their carseats. The cut on my lip had healed nicely as well as the bruise on my shoulder. I was happy to be able to wear my sun dress in this heat. 


 The boys ran off to play in the water as soon as I lifted them out of the car. I grabbed our towels and picnic basket and headed up after them. The smell of the chlorine wafted under my nose as the squealing of the kids grew louder the closer I got. I found a nice shady spot to lay out the blanket. I just pulled out my phone to see if Lauren messaged when I felt someone tap me on the head. “Hiya!” Lauren said as she plopped down on the blanket next to me. Her kids ran off once they spotted Drew and David splashing about in the water. 


 

  Lauren had been my best friend since high school. We knew everything about each other. When I first met Josh she was so happy for me. She was already engaged to Philip when Josh proposed to me and we were so excited to be getting married. We all hung out regularly until Philip was killed in a car accident when their youngest was just nine months old. They already had Lacey, Lauren’s oldest daughter when she found out she was pregnant with Levi. It was then when Philip popped the question. Lauren was ecstatic, even though she would be pregnant during her wedding. 


  After losing Philip, Lauren went through a dark time. She slept most of the day while little Lacey tried to look after her little brother. One day, Lauren was passed out on the couch when Lacey ran in screaming and crying. Lauren jumped up so fast trying to make sense out her screams. Lacey apparently decided to take Levi for a walk when he fell down a steep hillside  on the side of the house. Lauren freaked as she ran out and saw his poor helpless body laying there lifeless. Thankfully the fire dept was quick to come to the rescue. After seeing him attached to the board as they lifted him up, she swore she would start living and enjoying the life they had. Levi suffered a few bumps and bruises, other than that he would be ok. He doesn't even remember what happened. 


 “How are things with you?” Lauren asked as she took a bite of one the little sandwiches she brought. I lied and said that things were good. I knew she didn't believe me, but she respected me enough to not push the issue. We chatted while the kids played. Lauren had decided to remodel her kitchen and was meeting with a contractor later that afternoon, which worked out since I had to make Josh his lasagna. We enjoyed our time while the kids played. It was great catching up even if only it was for a couple of hours. 


 I felt happy as I walked down the aisle of the supermarket after hanging with Lauren. The kids were tired and ready for their naps as I unloaded the groceries. I put them down and I got to work in the kitchen preparing the lasagna. It was a quarter to five when I heard the keys turn in the door. He was home early. I quickly poured a glass of wine and downed it before he got to the kitchen. The boys were asleep when he hollered, “I'm home.”


“I'm in the kitchen.” I replied. 


 As he walked in I handed him a glass of wine. He took it as he looked around the kitchen, then back at me. I was nervous as he stared at me without saying a word. I blurted out that the boys were sleeping and dinner would be ready at six, like he requested. “What did you do today?” He asked. Nervously I responded, “I took the kids to the water park, like I mentioned this morning.” 


“Ahh, yes. I remember you mentioning that, however you failed to mention that you would be going with Lauren.” He put the wine glass down and moved in closer to me. I took a step back as he grabbed my wrist. “I saw you today.” He barked. “I wanted to surprise my family and I showed up with ice cream when I saw you and Lauren laughing together on the blanket.” I didn't know what to say. I wasn't sure what he was mad at. I often hang with Lauren during the week. “Were you laughing at me?” He smirked. I could see the anger in his eyes as he glared at me waiting for a response. 


“No, I, I don't, I mean, we weren't talking about you at all.” I said nervously. I knew I said the wrong thing when I felt the sting of his hand across my face. “YOU'RE LYING!” He yelled as I lost my balance and dropped my wine glass. It shattered as it hit the counter on the way down. David must have woken up from his nap as I heard him from behind asking if I was ok. Josh immediately bent down and picked him up with a big smile. “Everything is fine bud, mommy is just being clumsy and dropped her wine glass.” He chuckled. “Guessing mommy shouldn't drink so much.” I heard him whisper to David as he headed off into the other room. 


 I quietly sobbed as I found the broom to clean up the mess. Why didn't I leave him? I asked myself this all of the time. The truth was that I was scared he would try to take my kids, or even worse, kill me. I just tried to make the best of it, at this point, I was used to it. I was just thankful he was a good father to our boys. 


 I took a deep breath as I held an ice pack to my cheek. I didn't want the boys to see a handprint on my face, so I hurried into the bedroom to cover it with some make up. I just put the lasagna in the oven, so I had an hour to wind down. I hollered at Josh that I was going to take a quick shower first. 


 I was in the closet grabbing some clothes when he walked up behind me. I shivered as he slid his hands up my dress and slipped off my panties. I took a deep breath trying not to cry as he pulled off my dress. He backed up to get a better look. I trembled as he slowly walked around my naked body. It seemed as though he was inspecting me while he grabbed my panties in his hand and sniffed them. 


 “Why the hurry to shower?” he demanded. “Who were you fucking Mikayla?” 


“Josh, stop it.” I pleaded. “I would never do that, you know this.” I grunted as I felt the force of his fist in my stomach. I hunched over in pain as the tears fell down my face. I felt defeated as I sat there sobbing. 


 “Get up!” He yelled. I tried to stand but my legs gave out and I fell to the floor. “Please, just stop.” I pleaded. I couldn't stop crying, I tried to hold it back but I have been holding them back for too long, and now they were pouring down my face. He grabbed my hands gently as he helped me up. I stood in front of him, looking down. He took his hand and put it in on my chin and lifted my head to look up at him. I was taken back to earlier times, when he was so gentle and sweet. I looked into his eyes, hoping to find the Josh that I fell in love with. “Josh.” I whispered. As I leaned in for a kiss with the salty taste of my tears on my lips. I closed my eyes as he bent down, I felt his breath on my face as my lips searched for his. 



  My eyes opened in terror as I gasped for air, his hands were around my neck. I kicked and scratched hoping he would loosen his grip. He stared into my eyes as my arms went limp and it all went black.