Who's To Blame? Read Count : 36

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Relationships
"I got flowers today. 
It wasn't my birthday or any other special day. 
We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.
I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said to me. 
Because he sent me flowers today. 

I got flowers today. 
It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day. 
Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. 
It seemed like a nightmare. 
I couldn't believe it was real. 
I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. 
I know he must be sorry. 
Because he sent me flowers today. 

I got flowers today, and it wasn't Mother's Day or any other special day. 
Last night, he beat me up again. 
And it was much worse than all the other times. 
If I leave him, what will I do? 
How will I take care of my kids? 
What about money? 
I'm afraid of him and I'm scared to leave. 
But I know he must be sorry. 
Because he sent me flowers today. 

I got flowers today. 
Today was a very special day. 
It was the day of my funeral. 
Last night, he finally killed me. 
He beat me to death. 
If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today."

The above piece of article had gone viral and was circling actively all over social media. Who the original writer is or their exact location is unknown. Fact of the matter is, domestic violence is happening everywhere in the world. 

I personally knew of two friends here in Kuala Lumpur city who had suffered emotional, mental, and physical abuse of this nature. 

One of them, the issue was her cheating husband. He cheated on her seven times and she caught him red-handed all of those seven times. Each time she confronted him, she was beaten up like as if she was the one who had wronged him. The worst fight they had; after slapping her around a few times, he dragged her to the balcony of their 14-storey condominium, held her by her ankles and dangled her head down over the balcony, threatening to drop her. He didn't drop her, of course, because he knew he would be charged with murder if he had done so. Her abuse went on for 19 years. 

The other friend, the issue was a controlling and demanding mother-in-law who had problems cutting off her apron strings from her son. Each day while her husband was at work, his mother would work her to the bones like a slave. No matter how much she did or how well she kept the house, her mother-in-law would find things to criticize and she would be beaten as punishment. Her husband was aware of the abuse but did nothing to stop it. This abuse went on for four years. 

Both of my friends chose to stay in their unhealthy, abusive conditions. Why? Because of love. And because they truly believed in their heart that things will change - that the one husband would stop his womanizing ways, and that the other husband would grow a spine and learn to stand up for her. 

But change didn't come for them. They both lost their battles and lost their lives.

The one with the cheating husband became so chronically stressed that she started getting sick; spending her life in and out of hospitals. She breathed her last breath two years ago, in February, just two days before her 52nd birthday. 

The one with the spineless husband, took matters into her own hands. She doused herself and her three year old son with kerosene, covered them both with a blanket, and she set them both on fire. 

Both cases were tragic and senseless. They could have made a change and saved themselves but they didn't. Love and blind loyalty made them stay but in the end, they paid with their life. Was it worth it? 

So to all ladies out there, please be smart. I admit, love can be all shades of wonderful but no matter how much you love your partner, spare some love for yourself; love yourself more. You owe that much to yourself. You were not brought into this world to be abused and to fall victim in the hands of inconsiderate, selfish, and self-centered jerks. You have the right to live and you have the right to be happy. So please, I urge you, don't rob yourself of your dignity. If your partner is not treating you right as he should, then, leave. There are plenty more fish in the sea. Life is too precious for bullshit like this. 


  • Jun 19, 2020

  • Stater odhiambo

    Stater Odhiambo

    so tragic

    Jun 19, 2020

  • Jun 19, 2020

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