Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

When I am forced to sit inside my own body and experience the things I'm going through the only thing I can focus on is finding peace. That seems to be my main life objective... No matter what I'm doing or saying it's always in pursuit of peace.. Nothing seems to bring it too me like the momentary realization that nothing really matters. But then I have to get up tomorrow and do everything I can to survive.. And suddenly it all matters again. Everything. Constantly. I don't want to become dull from indifference because of the things I am going through. But it seems to be going that way. I can't find peace in religion. I can't find it in drugs. Or in love. And I refuse to search for it in death.. Where will I ever find it? I'm incluned to believe it will be somewhere far from where I am right now. Somewhere quiet and open. I try to escape from reality and to distract myself and to do everything I can just to get away. I'm so tired of waking up and thinking of what may happen next. No matter who I am with and where I go I am filled with a sense of impending danger... My thoughts feel clustered and unorganized. I love for my thoughts to flow freely. I hate the constricted feeling of unaltered consciousness.. You know what I mean.. If you do those kinds of things... I just want to run.