Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Relationships

There are 14 seats in the dayroom. It is pretty much what you'd expect in a prison where go to watch the TV. Benches lined up in several rows where they sit. There is a hierarchy in the seating arrangement and often you will find the same person sitting in the same seat every day. One afternoon I had the entire dayroom to myself. I was watching Seinfeld. I really love this show. Something about these characters that rises my humor every time I look at them. I was really getting into it even though I had seen this episode several times before.  Yet, all of the sudden, Marc Miller walks up to the TV and without asking, or saying anything, he changed the channel. Just like that.

Before I was able to even catch myself, my mouth was in gear. There he was, this scrawny little guy, and disrespects me like I was not sitting there at all. My words rained around him but he acted as though I wasn’t there. He did not even blink. 

I was cussing him out – decent but he was totally absorbed in the TV. His eyes seemed to be everywhere, searching – ignoring me. I believe THAT, more than anything else is what really infuriated me the most. It was my show and you don’t turn the channel on people, the show was just getting good. My favorite part! All I could think of was how he had just walked up there and without any regard to me at all, here he comes: [click]
Channel 7 News.

Now, I know a thing or two about bullying. I actually feel that I am super sensitive about it because I have suffered bullying in many ways during my prolonged incarceration. The way people take advantage of those who they determine weaker, or less able to physically handle them, the Power and Control, issues of self, yes, all the tactics and strategies of selfish minded people. I knew it well. It is selfishness in its purist form: what I want when I want it; and yet, despite my understanding, I did it. I opened my palm, placed it on the back of Marks shoulder, and pushed—hard.

He stumbled forward a step, turned, and looked at me. When his eyes met mine, the look I saw reflected at me made me catch myself. I was stunned by it. It was a look I knew and seemed all too familiar to me. Hismouth started working as though he was struggling to try and form words but as he opened his mouth to speak-something within me now wished him to silence.

“I lost my mama”, he said. “She died and I can’t call home. No one is answering the phone. I was just hoping that maybe there would be something here…”
He turned back to the TV
To the news, The Channel 7 News.
I forgot everything as we both watched.