Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

 I wish I knew why I'm always feeling the way I feel. Sometimes I feel crazy, sad, happy, depressed, angry and sometimes I feel like I'll be better gone. How come I feel like this? Love is gone. Heart is broken. I'm picking up pieces over and over again and it seems that Everytime I pick a new piece some other feeling comes back. Why is it that I feel like being a drug addict and a alcoholic helped me put my pain away. Now I been sober for a year. I see the different and feel different. I still got my demons and now worst then ever attacking me. But the only difference is that now I don't have alcohol and drugs to numb my past. Yeah I got rape and yes i raped someone else. Yes I have seen people killed and yet why do I have this feeling that all my life was a fucking dream. That nothing happened to me. But why is my head so messed up. Why do I cry for help on silent. So many why's and no answer, yes time will tell me. But time is fading away. I could of take my life so many times but my daughter my gorgeous kid. I can't leave her alone in this world. I'm not doing what my parents did to me. I'm staying strong but sometimes I feel like I'm gettin weak and sometimes stronger. So why do I feel like this. Only time will tell right? Why am I still here. My friend die from an over dose. And I didn't twice  like what's the point. Thank God he's not suffering no more. But I'm still here. Sober and trying to be happy. Trying to switch my life to a better one. Love is not here in my heart. Pain is my domain. I actually love pain. Ever since I was a kid. I love to see pain and suffering on people's face and eyes. It fills me up with this boost it's a different high. Seing someone afraid. Watching them knowing they can't do shit. Why do I think like this. Am I the only one. Of course not. There is more to this. Hope to find it soon before it finds me once again..R.I.P