Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Relationships

During this time of social distancing, I reached out to a friend of mine to find out how she's doing. Although she's coping well being cooped up in her house like everybody else, she had a lot to say to get things off her chest in regards to human connection, mentality and attitude. Things that happened in her life before the social distancing order was put out, had got her feeling betrayed and let down, and she laid them all to me during our hour long phone conversation. What she voiced out deeply touched me to the core; having lost close friends who reached the point of no return, and finally committed suicide. Below is the gist of her rant and confession.... 

"I text and ask if we can meet up for coffee, but they never respond. Even if they are "too busy" to meet up, or actually genuinely too busy, can't they take five seconds to let me know? I am a person after all, not a rock. I don't like to be ignored! No one can say I don't try, because I put in every possible effort. If giving it your all, and making every possible effort was a super power, I would have already earned my cape! 

If you think I am the one standing in the corner, fumbling for words (and my heart goes out to those people), you are dead wrong! I come across as cool and collected. I can make you laugh so hard that you would have wished you wore an extra pair of underwear. Social chit-chat is nice and I appreciate it. What I long for though, is human connection; someone who will reach out TO ME, unsolicited. 

I often marvel at how at the same time people greatly appreciate my efforts to remember their birthday, yet when I reach out with a quick 'hello text', for the most part it is unreciprocated. There is such an imbalance of my making an effort, and people noticing me, or making an effort in return, that it leaves me feeling dizzy. 

I, I am standing on an emotional bridge. I climbed there just to see if anyone cares enough to notice. So often, I feel sad, and so alone. I don't have family, so friends and relationships mean everything to me. Everything. You would never know from looking at me, talking to me, what is really making my heart ache. Like a little infant who dies from a lack of human contact, emotionally I am standing on a precipice, afraid of falling off. 

Why, why are people waiting for the moment after I jump off a building? 
Why are people so blinded by my efforts to reach out - because I do! 
I call, I text, I send messages on social media, etc.... BUT they don't respond! They don't give me the time of day. And I'm not asking for all day. Five minutes, perhaps. A short text saying, "Hi, I'm thinking of you." But no.... they are too busy getting a name for themselves on social media. Too wrapped up in getting "likes" on the photos they post, too busy putting themselves out there to gain as many "friends" and "followers" to notice anything else. 

There are many reasons why people are busy, and I get it. Life is busy. But communication and connecting does not have to take a lot of time. I mean, think about the time they spend on social media. Do they even spend 1/8 of that time reaching out to me? What about answering my call or text? Because I do make every possible effort to reach out and connect.... short of spilling my guts out on the floor. 

I am a person who values communication, who needs connection, and asks for it! 

So when they say, "I wish I would have known".... do they mean "if I knew she was gonna kill herself, then I would have stopped whatever I was doing and helped her"...??? 

No one knows who will commit suicide. You can't tell from the sign on their forehead because there is no telltale sign. So, why wait for a sign, or worse yet, a sign that it's too late? 

Any person, black, white, brown, yellow, could be reaching out for help. But everyone else is too busy, or they really don't understand that preventing suicide doesn't always have to mean waiting at the bottom of a bridge, carrying an anti drug overdose pen, or keeping an eye out for cuts and gashes on someone's forearm. Perhaps it is more of a loving testament to prevent one's innards from slowly dying an emotional death... because there is nothing worse than watching your own, once beautiful heart, shrivel and die. 

Knowing that I did make every possible effort to reach out for the most healing balm; love and human connection.... no one can say I didn't try. 

And while I don't plan on pulling the plug anytime soon, I often fantasize about taking my own suicide, just so I can reappear a few days later, and hear the very people whom I reached out to, say.... "I wish I would have known, I wish she would have reached out."

I would then show up, look at their ghastly white faces, which would look like they had just seen a ghost, I'd look them right in the eye and say, "Hah! Yeah, right!""

"I wish I would have known."
"I wish they would have reached out for help."
"I would have been there."
"I would have made the time"
.... andon, and on, and on. 
These and others are the sentiments of people and their responses, after someone committed suicide. 

All of a sudden, people are extra helpful, and are willing to put aide their busy lives, work, family, kids, so that someone else won't die an untimely death. For a brief time, people offer anyone help and support and they'd say to anyone needing help, "I'm here for you. Please reach out, call me anytime, etc."

Hindsight is always 20-20.
Or is it? 

I think many people are shortsighted, or at least falling short on some basic concepts of Human Suffering - the heartbreak of Loneliness, and how hard it is to even reach out. But to all those that wish people would just reach out, I have this to say. You are wrong on the assumption that people don't reach out. So very wrong. 

Sure, perhaps there are some who don't ask for help, or don't know how to. When people are in such a dark place and suffering takes its toll, it can be hard to begin with, let alone to imagine that someone would actually extend their hand to help another out of a treacherous ditch. People greatly underestimate how gruelling a task it can be to reach out for help, to acknowledge one's suffering, and more so, vulnerability. Just think about it, when was the last time you were actually willing to air your not so clean and savory laundry? 

Perhaps more time and effort needs to be made to seek out people who are suffering, especially those who suffer in silence. That could be a whole other article because those people deserve a voice. 

This article however is about people like my friend. People who DO call, and actually leave a message to reach out for help. Though who listens to voicemails these days? People are too busy updating their status somewhere.