Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I've attempted suicide 7 times now.... All failed attempts, so I just gave up. I mean I gave up on life. I'm done trying, caring, thinking, feeling, I'm done with everything. I've tried to seek out help. I went to my parents and I wrote them an entire essay on why I need to try therapy,  I wrote about my suicidal thoughts, depression, busy thoughts, self harm, anxiety, I told them everything. They didn't do a single thing. I went to my brothers for advice but they just laughed in my face. I told my councillor for help and it's been a month now.... Nothing happened. I tried to get help, I actually tried. This fucking sucks, why do all the people who seek out help for this type of stuff get help but I'm just stuck here. People always tell me it's gonna get better I promise you just aren't there yet. Well when am I gonna get there!!. I don't want to wait anymore I just wanna be happy, I want to smile, laugh, not have to fake a smile all the time. I don't even know who I am to be honest,l. I got so used to lying to everyone pretending I'm this person that I'm not that I started lying to myself but when I finally decided to show who I really am to everyone i become a problem. People always asked me "what's happening to you" And saying that I changed. Don't you people understand this is me I've always changed the person you knew wasn't me that was never me it was just some stupid coverup so that you would believe I'm ok. And I'm not ok, ok. I'm a mess, I don't know what to do, I'm constantly hurting, I don't want to live in this world. I just want it all to end and I don't know how much times it will take for me to die but I'm so done with it. And if your still reading this, no... I don't want attention no... I'm not faking it. That's it, bye