I Can See Everything But You Read Count : 49

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A
It was a long time ago during summer vacation for you.


I was 18, you were 22.

I didn’t know anything about love or even true love.

But I can say you were actually my first love at that time.

The first guy that I loved.

The first guy who made me feel I’ve had a heartbeat for the first time in my life.

You were so kind, calm and shy.

I like your voice when you were talking.

I always love it.

I like your voice when you were singing in the shower or in your room.

I adore it till now.

We learned music together.

We composed lots of melody and songs together.

I can’t play guitar but you can.

You taught me how to play piano, keyboard even flute.

You were like a magic, glowing, shining and made me felt so alive.

I should have kissed you.

We should have kissed.

Instead you loved to touch my fingers while I was writing our songlyrics.

Our eyes met and we were laughing and joking in my friends' place.

We talked about dreams, our dreams.

I told him, “someday I wanna sing a song with you on stage.”

You smiled.

Honestly, I always remember the way you smile.

Then you said, “I want to be a singer.”

Yes, you were good with that.

We celebrated your birthday together.

I remember I bought you the cheapest cake in store because I have no job and no money at that time. I kept savings to get you a cake and it felt so good to see you smile to me and we sang a happy birthday song in the middle of night. You turned 23 with me under the beautiful night sky. It was so beautiful and I wish it would never end.

Then your vacation ended too soon.

We have to say goodbye.

I sold my second phone to get a cash to go to the airport to drop you off to the airport with my friends. I wanted to see you. I didn’t want to lose you. Really, I used that cash to see you. Hope you would changed your mind but I knew you have to go. And all I can do just cry and holding your number in my phone.

I have to dealt with distance and loneliness for years.

One day you told me you finally got a contract to be a singer in your country.

You can’t imagine how happy I was at that moment.

And our relationship has come to an end because everything changed.

You travelled the world without me.

You never visited me even money and distance wasn’t the biggest issues for you at that time.

Like a stupid girl, I was waiting.

Deep down I believe he was busy with his activities.

Yes, he was a superstar at least for me.

Everytime I watched news about you, I smiled.

You were okay but I was feeling horrible and sad. I miss you. I have not brave enough to say it because I would be one of your distraction only. Maybe I was not worthy at all. 

Still, deep down I believe nothing’s changed you were just busy.

And then, you forgot my birthday.

“He was busy, maybe he will remember it and text me later at night,”

I told myself in tears.

And it never happened.

You never texted me anymore.

I was forgotten.

You never even called me back after all.

I was forgotten.

You disappeared.

You’re gone.

I didn’t know how to express my feeling to you anymore.

You were still the same person but you forget about me.

You don’t remember me anymore I guess.

I stopped watching news. I stopped staring at my phone expecting I will receive a message from you. I deleted your number from my phone. I put our pictures and everything about you in a box and I buried it in somewhere.

I tried to forget. Everything.

It wasn’t easy because sometimes I still see you on internet or in radio.

Then a friend showed me your new music video.

It was a story about us but with a sweet happy ending.

I don't know what does it means to you. I don't know what I meant for you but, it's nothing to me now. I even can sing that song without crying anymore. 


Maybe, that was the way you apologize to me. Just maybe. Only God knows. 

Too painful to remember those days. 

At the end of that day I was crying but I know you weren’t here to give me an explanation.

I was just a moment for you to be forgotten.

Long ago I thought I wasn't good enough. 

Long ago I thought I wasn't worthy. 

Hell, now I am good and worthy enough for myself. 

 -Vivian Lin

Comments

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