Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I've been on a spiritual journey for nearly two years now. 

It has required me to shed every layer that is not me; any layer of  myself that doesn't mirror love. 

I guess the first year I didn't realize what was happening because my boyfriend and I spent a lot of time moving from place to place. Wherever we went, problems followed. 

At one point, we ended up staying with my aunt and uncle who took care of both my grandparents. My grandmother had advanced alzheimers. My grandfather was somewhat independent. 

We stayed at a rough time at my aunt's and uncle's. Richy and I slept on a blow up mattress in the living room. He worked night shift and I worked second shift. We barely slept because we constantly got woken up. My grandmother was woken up bright and early corresponding to my aunt's schedule. Constant traffic through the living room. 

My grandmother was at an all time high with her behaviors. There would be times Richy would come home at 7:30AM and my grandmother was covered in feces. Yeah, Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. 

My uncle was also very sick. More than what he would like to talk about. 2014, after I graduated, my Uncle took a bad heart attack. I just started out my career in the nursing field. As the years went on, my Uncle recovered from his heart attack but other symptoms appeared. His stomach and lower extremities were extremely bloated. I remember he could barely put his shoes on. 

At this point in time, I had a couple years of nursing experience under my belt. The doctors put my Uncle on diuretics...which only made the swelling worse. My aunt searched and searched for answers. Constantly asking me of my opinion, but I felt like I was missing pieces. 

And I was. We all were. 

My Uncle had colon cancer. 

He didn't tell anyone. I think he knew he was going to die. Or maybe he thought he could fight it. He didn't take chemotherapy. Instead, he went to his appointments and lived out the rest of his life. 

This ending brought me a life lesson I will never forget. 

One night, Richy and I sat down for dinner with my aunt and uncle. Most of the dinner was small talk. Which my Uncle didn't like. Especially when it got to work. It frustrated him to no end. My Uncle wanted more. He wanted peace. He wanted to be surrounded by love. 

It struck me as odd at the time. Probably because I didn't understand his condition, but now I carry with me. I think back on that time and I sincerely believe my Uncle knew he was at the end of his life. No one else knew or understood. A part of me thinks he believed that no one would. 

My Uncle gave me a life lesson without knowing. To love while we're still here. Connect. Make peace. Don't wait until the end of life. Life can change as quick as the seasons. 

I carry that lesson in my pocket and it has changed my outlook on life. 

Blessings are everywhere. Sometimes we have to look a little harder.