Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Trust ... Everytime I opened up, I started thinking right after it "why did I tell that?" I don't want to tell anyone. I can't. 
In the last years I build this wall around me and didn't say how I felt. "Yea! I'm fine" Just smile. Always smile and laugh. 
So many people told me I have to speak about it. If i wouldn't, it would all get worse. Therapeuts, doctors, parents and so many more people told that to me. 
And I tried. But it was a big mistake. It made everything so much more difficult. 
I had to go to a psychiatrie, i was forced to take medication, which knocked me off. They speak different with me and stare at me. Say I'm crazy, sick, a psycho, broken, bad company.
But I'm still a human being. I'm me. I always will be me. 
But you showed me a different way. You listened to me, didn't get afraid of my mind. You took me by my hand and showed me what it's like to feel something other than just numbness. I thought you saw the human, the soul in me. I trusted you. And I wanted to try. I wanted believe I could trust someone, could be loved by someone, could handle with other humans. 
So I put down my walls and tried to trust you. I tried to open up to you. I tried. But it was a big mistake. 
You showed me, that I was way too silly and naive, that I could believe that. You lied to me, you used me, you played with me. And you teached me.
You teached me I shouldn't trust people. You confirmed to me, that open up can make everything worse. 
I learned my lesson. I learned that I'm better off alone. I can handle it by myself. At least I hope so. 
So I wanted to thank you. Thank you for teaching and showing me that. Now I will be smarter in the future. Thank you.