I Hate You Read Count : 14

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
As I grabbed my scissors.
Putting them against my wrist.
About to slice my wrist fast, but then...
Mom...Dad...Family...
I threw the long pink and white scissors across my room floor.
Tears grew in my eyes. I looked at my wrist, then to my phone.
James...
I grabbed the phone, opening it and going to messages.
Asking my friend James for help, and telling him how my depression is getting worse.

I cant remember what he says or said. But I remember. Remember the last thing I said to him. Go rot in reality. Melina, Andy, Diego, James and Damian. All the people I called "Friends" I was wrong.
I was always wrong.
The voice...
The pain...
The hate...
The fear...
The sadness...
The jealously...
It was all real...
And did'nt get better...
But worse...
Week, by week...
From, little bit of sadness...
Depression...
Killer thoughts...
Big time depression..
Cutting myself thoughts...
Killing all three of my lizards... (Im so sorry...)
Suicidal thoughts...
To everything...
I did not ask for a lot...
But...
A good happy life.
Great family.
Amazing friends.
Perfect healthy mind and body.
But instead...
I got the opposite of what I wished for...
Why me...?
What did I do to deserve this...?
I was always nice to everyone...
So kind, sharing, and caring...
Now...
Im cold...
Mean and careless...
When all I really wish for...
Is to be free...
To fly high in the sky...
And have a soulmate...
Have someone to love me forever...
To feel like someone actually cares for me...
But instead...
I know im young...
But I know, I know nobody can like me...
If im cold and careless...
Alone in my room, listening to music, writing a book and drawing...
Well all I want is to be free, feel loved by a other, and have REAL friends...
But all I have is depression...
And fake friends...
I want to die.
I want to kill myself.
But I have ONE big fear thats stopping me from doing that.
Is going to hell for taking my own life.
I dont wanna go to hell and suffer more there, than I am here.
But I cant stand it here.
The pollution.
The lies.
The jealously.
The fake people.
The smell of plastic and glass.
The smell of our world falling apart...
And my mind broken into tiny pieces...
My heart, shiny, cold and delicate.
Like glass...
But its been dropped so many times...
And I cant repair it anymore...
I cant trust anymore...
Yet I pretend to be happy...
Like a mask hiding my true emotions...
A mask of happiness and a kind person...
But deep inside...
Im broken...

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