Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Looking in the mirror it reflected back at me an image of me of the woman I was today, compare it to the girl I was before and I'll tell you the choices I made back then, the heartbreak and pain I felt didn't and hasn't defined who I am today, I can't comprehend what the reflection shows me shining it's light behind my image reflecting everything, every part of my wretched story right down to the sublime lines, right down to the very cells of my being...today I made a mistake, a mistake made by countless others as they stand before a reflected surface, I judged myself I looked at my image and I silently cried and I allowed myself to cry to feel what I felt without holding anything back because you see looking in a refelected surface I don't see me, I don't look deep into my very being and see myself, the strength the endurance that helped me along the way, I don't look into those eyes and see the pain and the light of the hurt behind the smile I look at my reflected being and I judge, I judge her with all the hate that has consumed me most of my life, I look at her as a stranger would, I stare at the lines and contoured curves of the image and I despise it, you see and much as I like me inside I don't outside...I despise me every line, every curve...I despise how people see me and because did this I judge myself not based on what I see but on what others see, I judge myself with the clouded eyes of unknown strangers, I tear myself apart not see the real me behind the shell on the outside. I look at others as they do me and jealousy sometimes eats at me wanting what they have not understanding what I have, and instead of loving myself as they do I don't I tear myself apart in front of that reflection until not a shred of decent humanity lives within me....and yet she screams inner me screams wanting me to just look just see her to accept myself bumps,scars and all accept it because it isn't me, if I look deep past the blur of tears I can just about make out the shadow of the woman trapped inside, put there by myself so no harm comes to her, locked inside like a porcelain doll. The reflection moves as I do and my thoughts snap back to reality, realisation hits me like a ton of bricks that the person I'm staring it, the woman I'm judging with the heat of my hate doesn't deserve my hate it's the people who have done this to her they deserve the retribution of my thoughts not my very self and so I cover the reflection once again and I smile knowing I'm stronger than my image tried to show and that one day my reflection will represent the woman I have locked inside