Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

I wanted to say thank you
You may never know how much it meant to me
When you hugged me at your concert
I said your music really helped and you said you were glad
My past has never once been a cake walk
I live with demons that that pave the road I walk on
I had a father who liked his drugs more than me
Picked me up by the throat once and threw me a couple feet
I don't forget that
My mind won't let me
Always protected my four sisters and two of them turned their back
All because I wanted a different belief
Daddy always got mad over every little thing
Nothing was too little
So I learned to stand up
Fight
My sister's needed a defender
I remember being scared
But back down were words I learn to forget
Spiderman didn't, so I wouldn't
My mother cared more about finding a GODLY man
Told us it was sparing the rod if she didn't beat our fucking ass
I lost count how many spoons and sticks she broke trying to teach me to fear god
I was told by her that I best be a good man
Not like my dad
Not like every other man
I hate all the complexes I have contracted
I feel like goddamned disease, cursed by a deity that assumed I was trash
Unworthy of even being recycled
Strait to the landfill
My whole family dynamic except for my sister Anne and my grandma was
You're worthless
I've wanted to just end it so many fucking times, I figured I could just finally be at peace
But grandmother said
My sister's needed me
So many people needed
So when my sister Teresa joined the band wagon of using me as an example of what not to be like
Fuck 
It wasn't the first time I was considered a sheep pitch black
I get, I got it
I am the problem, not the religion that you follow
I never begged and tried never to borrow
Then my ex ahna who did a number on my skull
Turned me into a bitch, I mean slave of all types
Attacked verbally, physically
Mind games and rape were some of her favorite past times
I never got held down
But when you break someone's mind you don't have to do you
I hop back and forth all the time from being alright to bleeding out inside
I look in the mirror and wonder if the father of my son was supposed to look into his kid's eyes with his own made of glass, haunted by ghost ships
All the times I see memories
Shake them out of my head
Cause I remember nearly everything
Well except the stuff I blocked out
And when it resurfaces
My world begins to implode
I somehow make it
But I swear I really don't
Just another scar right
Ripe for picking from the garden
Just another bone to pick from the yard and throw in back in my closet
Thank you for listening
Thanks for that hug
I ain't gotta a thing for you, I wanted to just say thank you
Your only five years older
I found you when I lost respect for a once hero
Was looking for someone who got it
Related to your shit pretty hard
So when you came to Durango again
I just wanted to hear those songs in person
Maybe it would help me wipe the blood out of my mind
Clean the corpses out of my grave
So here's to your music and how it helped me through
To the poet Grieves