Category : Articles

Sub Category : Motivation

Have you ever wanted something so much, but felt like you were reaching for a certain star you just couldn’t get a grasp on? Perhaps, you didn’t feel  smart enough, or maybe you felt unqualified and lacked ability to do something better with your life. Then, your final thought may have been “I guess I just wasn’t made to be a successful being in this life.” 
Unfortunately, this was me! I’ve learned to work through these ‘stinking thinking’ kind of mindsets, but I still have my moments when I’m in doubt. I ask myself  “Do I have what it takes to sharpen my skills and improve my content? Will I ever transition from a newbie to a more effective writer?” That’s the dream I’m having today; dreaming about the reality of tomorrow’s inspiration. 
When I found my passion for writing, I had no experience nor did I have a degree or college education. I never really journaled or kept a diary as a young adult neither. Writing became my hobby during my stay at a three month treatment facility in 2016 subsequent to my final substance abuse relapse. Through the duration of my treatment, I had to write a 5,000 to 10,000 word story concerning my chemical history - before my addiction emerged, during and conclusion of what brought me to treatment. It was an assignment that inspired me to write about it and I closed it out at 9,981 words. It’s an event and past time in my life I’ll never forget and where I established a better understanding and relationship with myself. 
Approximately 10 weeks later, I was nearing my discharge at treatment, I had to stand up at the podium in a group of 100 patients and read it out loud. I was anxious, a little stage freight from the start, but eventually eased right into this short  memoir of my past. When I had finished it several minutes later, the applauds were like nothing I had expected them to be and that’s when my inspiration came to life.
Moving forward from there, the first thing I wanted to do was write a manuscript about my first hand experience with substance abuse and mental health. How it began, when, where and why, and how my mental health played a vast part throughout my addiction; concluding the story in the present-time. That was my primary goal and it still is, but I’ve opened the windows for other  opportunities to pursue my dream of potentially becoming an established writer. This became clear to me as I met some local freelance writers and authors in my town. I began interacting with these talented individuals and was eager to learn something from each one of them. Their interpretations were all unique in their own way and there wasn’t  one style of content that was similar to the next. I attained a bit of knowledge from all those intelligent writer’s and they inspired me to chase the dream and that’s what I’m striving to do.
Now, here’s the part where I become doubtful of making it as a writer. The part where I’m looking at a blank page, not knowing where to start. I know deep down that I have a compelling, killer story to tell, but I just don’t have the right words to get the story ball rolling. I know, as writer’s we must all face the big, bad block and that’s the part where discouragement floods into my brain, causing me to think that I’ll never be a good enough to be ‘writer material’ and to just choose another career path. The old me would have threw the pen and paper straight into the fire and watch it burn to a pile of ashes. 
Today, I’m not that person and I choose to be a go getter. Despite the fact that I’ve been inflicted with cognitive impairments and irreversible brain injuries doesn’t mean I’m not good enough to become great at something, because I can. It may take longer than one who hasn’t been encountered by a blow to the head, but it is what it is. No matter how many grabs it takes to reach for that one star, I will get to that star, one grab at a time until it’s in my hand. One day, I will transform into that beautiful butterfly, but like all butterflies, they must go through the stage of being a fuzzy, little caterpillar first. I will get there, all in good time with a lot of hard practice.