Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

I remember watching “The Crow” when I was younger
The only line I ever remembered was 
“Mother is the name of god on the lips of children”
Or something close
I also remember the creepy looking good guy, who no one could kill, squeeze what I later understood was a drug out of the mothers veins
“Morphine is bad for you”
Bruce showed me that movie and I wanted so bad to squeeze his temples and let the white powder ooze and squeeze out
I thought I'd tell him, “Father is the name of god on my lips
Cocaine is bad for you”
Have you ever threatened to kick someone's ass and had every intention of doing it?
You ever spent hours thinking about how to torture the one that help give you life until his was gone
His screams were your lullabies at night
Because you couldn't hear your sobbing or the voice that says “nobody fucking wants you” issuing from the combat blade he gave on your birthday
Not over his screams, the screams drowned the pain
“Nobody loves you”
I asked him for one last thing my sixteenth birthday
Just give me a call, your my dad
Another lame excuse for your no reason but your too hopped up on god knows what to call your son
“I was the first one you gave birth to.”
“Angel” by Blue October takes me back
I wanted him to feel all my pain
All the pain he gave
Was it bad enough the kids at school avoided my like the black death
Father was the name of god on my lips!

Donna couldn't figure out why I was so angry
Why I sat in my room writing hateful rap lyrics
Why I idolized such a foul mouthed, angry man
Eminem
Marshall Fucking Mathers
If she stopped looking for Mr. Right
Who always turned out to be Mr. Wrong
Mr. use you and string you along or Mr. torture you mentally until the break of dawn
If she would have spoken to me as a person, as her son
Instead of taking me to every pastor and shrink trying to diagnose or institute me cause I played etch a sketch on my shoulders and arms
I was only superficial right?
So no foul, no harm
I she would speak to me maybe she would see I needed someone to want me
I wished I could've slapped her so fuckin hard that all the self centered, self righteous parts that enveloped her heart and still do fell out
And say,
“Mother is the name of god on my lips
Child neglect is bad, It is abuse”
I found a girlfriend finally somebody actually wanted me
I thought like you, it was true and she would love me for me
But I should've saw that just like you that she would break me cause I was just looking to heal and get something from you I couldn't receive
Years later after the whole Ahna incident I spoke to you to try and keep family, cause I forgave Bruce and we talk a little too
And you say, “you have to understand I thought God was going to rapture you by age eleven
I didn't think I would have to raise you.”
Now for those of you who don't know the rapture is where go takes to heaven those he chose
So wait did she just say?
Did she just infer
Donna I knew it but to hear it confirmed
You never wanted me
You never loved me
And though it hurt I forgave you
Forgave you until your final burn
I only needed you tax info for fasfa!
I never needed you money!
But you didn't care that I wanted to help kids like me
Mother was the name of god on my lips!

Ahna was my first real relationship
I called her my angel
I thought she wanted me, my core
But it was not what she really wanted at all
I became a puppet and she was my master
I told her she was hurting me that certain things mattered to me
Like seeing my friends and family
So we saw hers, not mine
A shell
You ever been a ghost?
Ever completely fucking died inside and became the living dead
She hurt me, so much
There were cuts so deep, I had no more blood left in me
But the motor skills some how kept going
I tried to make you happy
I did any and everything you wanted from me and you fucked my mind so hard that my mind fractured, it still is
I gave my all
You shattered my heart
“Lover is the name of God on my lips
It hurts when you rave on  after we kiss
I'm a shitty boyfriend, I never do shit”
The combat blade speaks
And forces stop me
After all the glass and metal things thrown at me
After we go in so many physical fights
but physically I was a beast and combat trauma couldn't have me
After you threatened to stab me in my sleep
I gave you everything, everything
Lover was the name of god on my lips!

I say all this, not to gain pity
I speak on this subject, this living Tartarus I lived
I do it to say this
“Friendship and love are the name of god on my lips”
Eminem
Yeah his is often thought of as an asshole
But I'm not convinced he's evil
It was his music that made me take away from my throat and put away that combat blade
He is a reason I'm still alive today
Every time I thought just slash, jerk, drag, and thats that
I heard screaming in my ear
“Till I collapse!”
My cartoons saved me too
Yu-Gi-Oh, Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, and TMNT
Yu-Gi-Oh taught me believe in yourself and your friends, put your heart in all you do
My favorite Yu-Gi-Oh card is the “Red-Eyes Zombie Dragon”
Because like a dragon I am a powerful being
And like the undead, no matter how much shit you throw at me
you may knock me down, but you never really kill me
Pokemon taught me be everyones friend and help those in need
Dragon Ball Z taught me, like Yu-Gi-Oh too, never give up
Give your all
When you have nothing left give more
When that's gone give again
It taught me pride in myself and all I did
Master Splinter taught me about family and teamwork
And TMNT and Dragon Ball Z showed me kindness over strength is real strength
Now I have heard stories much more horrifying than mine, some much less
But none the less it is a trial that we can all rise above
I tell you all this because I know that
Even if you going through as bad or worse shit
You can over come every Kid Buu, every Marik, every Elite Four, and every fuckin Shredder!
If you never let go
If you hold on
Goku was my favorite in DBZ cause he showed kindness even to his enemies
TMNT it was Leobecause he protected all his brothers
So if you think you have no one
Nobody fuckin wants you- Think again
I'll stay your side
People are important, every part of them
“Friendship and love are the names of gods on my lips
Cause I should know
Loneliness is bad for you.”