Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Happy Birthday Apa!

I love you..and I miss you so much..we all do..m writing this letter.. I know it's long overdue..sorry I took about 6 yrs to write this.. I only have this strength because this year, I've seen so many deaths as I've started working at a hospital..okay so here it goes..


Forgive me Apa..for the prayer I prayed that night you were leaving..I have never confessed this but I will now..I prayed for God to either make you all better after you stopped gasping for air or to take you with Him and give you rest. I am so sorry. I did it out of love..I didn't want you to suffer anymore.. I'm sorry I let go..I only wanted you to stop suffering..I know you understand but I still have moments when I feel so guilty for praying that prayer..please please forgive me for that...

Forgive me for not being a good daughter..for all the times i refused to go to the marketplace with you just cause I never felt like going out..forgive me for not understanding your love at the time ..you never were good with words nor were you soft spoken..forgive me for not understanding the love you always showed through your actions..forgive me for being embarrassed and angry when you showed me n my report cards off to your friends..I never understood that it was because you loved me too much..i was so young..please forgive me..

Forgive me for believing that you loved Ben more than you loved me..for not knowing how much you loved Mom n each of us but never could find the words to say it..forgive me for the multitude of tantrums I threw throughout my childhood n for those during my teenage years..I was such a difficult child.. I'm sorry..

But most of all Apa...forgive me for believing you are immortal..that I had my whole life left to love you..forgive me for not knowing how serious your illness was.. forgive me for hoping till the end that you would miraculously get better and it'll all be okay again..Forgive me for not giving you all of my love and time and care and attention then...I never believed you could die..I am so sorry I didnt spend more time with you..the exam..I cud have skipped that year..had I known..had I not believed that dads were immortal..I would have stayed every night with you.. give the exams later..
I am so sorry..Please forgive me..

Someday..I will see you again..n I hope you are ready for all this love that I've saved up for you.. I hope you have a great birthday..

I love you..
I miss you...
I'll see you when I get there ❤️