Category : Poems
Sub Category : N/A
If heaven had a mailbox
I would write you all the time.
Then I'd wait patiently for your response
To the many dark thoughts in my mind.
But before all of that,
And above all else,
I'd need to know for sure...
You weren't sentanced to Hell.
The first thing I would ask you,
Because I simply must know...
Was it really an accident?
Or did someone else make you go?
I'm sure you know I miss you,
Everyday that I fight through,
But I'd still have to say it...
So much of me really needed you!
There are so many times in my life,
So many choices I've made,
I could have used your guidance,
Your advice and non-judgemental aid.
You know all that I've been through.
You've seen all my pain.
You've been by side at my lowest.
You know I am far from sane.
I truly believe with all my heart
You're right here next to me.
Not only when I think you are,
Much more often than I could dream!
You're always my passenger,
In every vehicle I drive.
You've guided me from danger.
You're the reason I'm still alive!
I believe you were given a task...
A very difficult mission Indeed.
Something no one else could do...
You're in charge of protecting me.
Often times I wonder to myself
"What would he think of me today?"
Would you be proud or worried?
Maybe a mix of both along the way.
When asked the age old question;
"Who would you have dinner with?"
My answer is simple and unchanged,
It's always you I would meet with.
I have so many questions to ask,
So many stories to tell,
But you've already seen it all,
So I would sit and listen as well.
While on Earth, when you were here
You suffered through a lot,
Though not exactly the same,
You know we are in a similar spot.
Much like you had done,
I've taken to mind altering states,
Because those who are in pain,
Hold the key to Addictions Gate.
Although our tracks are years apart,
The paths are all the same.
We both know the stops I'll make,
That lead to losing The Game.
So if heaven did have a mailbox,
I wouldn't fill it to the max.
I wouldn't need more than one letter,
To get out what I need to ask.
I can see all the beauty in my life,
You know I have felt the good too!
But I still struggle to fight for life,
And I know you did too.
So you turned to drugs for the answer,
But you didn't know what you were asking.
So you kept doing more and more...
Until it was too late for back-tracking.
Now you know, I have done the same.
I know you've seen it first hand.
I can't imagine what you're thinking.
I'm sure it's hard to understand.
I know exactly where I am headed.
I know the life for me that's waiting...
But I also know that's not what I want,
Please believe what I am saying!
I want to break these chains!
I want to finally be free!
I want to stay alive and clean!
I know you would want this for me.
But I can't remember how to...
I forgot how to live with feeling.
It's much easier to numb it all,
Than to live life just dealing.
If you could go back to that place...
Wherever you were in your mind...
On the night we lost you forever...
Would you change it this time?
What would you tell youself?
The you that was so completely lost?
The you that needed more and more,
Of the drugs until you forgot?
And I know you can't go back.
I know nothing can be changed.
But if you can help me open my eyes...
Maybe my life can be saved!
See, it never feels like enough.
I feel like I always need more.
I'm sorry if that's hard to watch...
I know you've seen it all before.
All I ask from you, my protector,
Please don't give up on me.
You've kept me safe so far...
We will get through this, you will see!
And if heaven had a mailbox,
I know you'd get a letter one day.
It would be from me of course!
And it would say;
"I Found My way!"
I love and miss you Uncle Boom!
Thanks for standing by my side.
Even if some of the things I do,
Make you shake your head and roll your eyes.