Whole - Part 5 Read Count : 25

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
Divine Intervention... 

There were days, weeks, months when my life felt bleak. I felt like a ship lost in the dark ocean of murky water, not being able to see my way out through rough and turbulent waters. I was scared, I felt helpless, but I wasn't willing to give up.

I was tested, pushed to my edge. Yet, I was determined to get what I was trying to get. I know that a half-hearted attempt at getting it won’t do. I had to work at it, I had to want it bad enough to make the effort, to find a way out. 

The tests were forcing me, each time, to commit and recommit. To decide, with all my heart, and scream it to the universe, “I WANT THIS!” .... and that I'm not giving up 

No, I wasn't willing to give up. That was never an option. I wanted out. Out of the whirlwind of depression that was choking the life out of me. Deep within me, I had a dream. To have joy and to be completely happy, free of the dark hole that was pulling me in. That was my dream. 

And I kept trying. I kept trying again and again after the first, second, third, forth... fifteenth failure. I kept trying to find ways, solutions and answers. I relentlessly surrendered in prayer and I decided to be like water.

It is a law of nature that all things chip away slowly with continued, applied force. I prayed harder. 

Then finally, my prayers were answered. I could feel the rock was getting smoother, but sometimes it takes time for all the pieces to fall into place. I won't give up right before the breakthrough because I want this and I’ll keep going until it’s mine.

The first time I walked into Cosmo Dr showroom was the first time my mind was distracted from the bleakness of the black hole. As soon as I arrived home, I was sucked back in. The weight of the doom of depression was like a thick fog blanketing my very being. Desperation kicked in as I felt like I was pulled further and further away from safety. I prayed, had another heart-to-heart talk with The Almighty. I asked Him to have mercy on me and to show me the way. I went to bed at the wee hours of the morning with tears streaming down my face. 

The next day, I felt a shift within me when I woke up. I didn't know what it was but I felt a sliver of hope. When I walked into the Cosmo Dr showroom that day, I checked my stress and worries at the door and went in with a less clouded mind. That was the day I met Zuhri. I felt a shift inside me again and that's when I knew he was the answer I've been looking for. 

People always say that God works in mysterious ways. In my case I can say that is proven to be true. I also know that happiness is not something I can find outside because happiness is and can only be found within. For years I have been searching within; that trigger that would spark the flame of joy, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find it. I've tried meditation, I've tried soul-searching, I've tried solitude, but nothing worked. That black hole was still swallowing me in like quicksand. Still, I never gave up. I knew there had to be a way out of it. And so I prayed to The All Knowing. 

He answered my prayers. He led me to Zuhri. 

Zuhri is just doing his job as a Health Advisor in the showroom. His job is to give health advise to all the participants, at the same time to create awareness of how important health care is. He's no miracle worker, neither is he a psychologist or a psychiatrist. He doesn't have the qualifications to be a "head doctor" or a "shrink" because that is not his profession. He wouldn't know how to treat depression clinically or medically. But with the Grace of God, Zuhri managed to pull me out of that black hole. 

I am thankful that I found Cosmo Dr because the therapy helped to improve my health physically. But I am eternally grateful that I met Zuhri because he helped to open my eyes. He made me see all my blind spots, he triggered long forgotten memories of how I used to be, which made me reflect on my life; all the things which I have been doing wrong. 

When I look at Zuhri, Lawrence and Ben in the showroom each day, the energy that they bring, the vibe that they put out, I can't help but be inspired. Zuhri, a black belt Taekwondo Master who is dedicated and passionate in helping people; Lawrence, a business minded former auto mechanic who can make anyone laugh at a drop of a hat; and Ben, a former male nurse whose gentle and caring nature made me believe in humanity again. Collectively, these three young men had helped me so much in my recovery. Lawrence reminded me what it's like to laugh again. Ben reminded me of the power of patience, kindness and forgiveness. And Zuhri.... he pulled me out of my misery. 

Today, I am fully convinced that anything is possible. 

I was like a ship lost in a stormy sea on a dark moonless night. I used to think there was no way out of my depression and I'd be forever lost at sea. Zuhri proved me wrong. He was my lighthouse that shone his beacon on me to bring me to safety. Zuhri saved me from me. He found all the triggers within me and he triggered them all one by one, gradually. He's no miracle worker, he wasn't even aware that he was helping me in this way. But he did.... through Divine Intervention. Yes, God surely does work in mysterious ways.

Comments

  • Maurice  Beres

    Maurice Beres

    Terrific 🦋🦋🦋🦋❤️

    Sep 09, 2019

  • Sep 10, 2019

  • Sep 12, 2019

Log Out?

Are you sure you want to log out?