Life Read Count : 11

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
I'm ADHD and have a learning disability... 
I'm 29 years old and have two children... 
My frist child was made with someone else who told me to have an abortion so I left... 
While I was 8 months pregnant I meet someone new... 
Everything was everything I dreamed of... 
How could I have found someone who was so good to me always opening the door for me cuddling at night always telling me everything I always wanted to hear... 
Everything was great not only did I find my true love but now I had my baby girl in my arms and she had a dad who loved her so much and stepped up to be her dad... 
Now my daughter is now 5 months old... 
Noe I find out I'm now pregnant again but with biological son.. 
Now things are now starting to change he has become a different person... 
Still an amazing dad to both and always working... 
He now is getting upset with me alot now saying pretty much nothing I do is right... 
Now we're no longer cuddling at night no longer talking like we used too.. 
It feel like now he doesn't wanna be close to me.. 
Night falls and I can't even put a hand on him.. 
On top of it I have to bug him to do anything with me.. 
Now today it's been 9 years of me fighting for us to work out but hasn't gotten any better... 
I don't think he's cheating on me cause he's always home after work... 
I just think he's with me because we have kids Togetter and to him it's the right thing for him to do... 
He says he loves but but I don't think he really knows what love is... 
Sometimes he says some very hurtful things to me and gets mad at me because I sit and cry instead of saying anything back... If I talk it just makes things worse.. 
I do love him very much.. 
I thought I have become so much better in things I have done compired to the way I used to be... 
I'm not gonna lie my house when we frist meet used to be sooo dirty but now I work so much more in it... But still its never good enough.. 
Nothing I do is good enough I feel... 
Sometimes he makes me feel like a child like I can't make any decisions on my own... 
I thought moving out of my parents I would be able to do grown up things but it hasn't changed... 
I have to ask for everything because I don't make money he dose and because of that 8 have no decisions.. 
Even though I'm that one who 
Cooks
Cleans
Washes everyone's clothes
Takes care of the kids 
Dose everything for him when he ask including getting his beer when asked... 
My life isn't easy.. Some of my friends sit there and listen to the way he speaks to me and say why do you put up with that.. I don't know I just do.. They always tell me to leave but it's not easy when you have no money to do so.. 
So this is life I guess.. 


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