Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

This be a hard summer for my mind.

A difficult journey where I retain my ability to renew the same mistakes or make new mistakes.

I fear that as the clock whines by, there will be a different individual in the mirror that I stare in.

An entirely different soul within my eyes.

I have tried to talk to such a girl, who had drained my patience, for I wished to have her back.

Yet, I have been the villain, who had made her feel unworthy, perhaps unwanted, that drove her away.

She found herself in the arms of another male, not telling me so as I rained down romantic remarks that she seemed to enjoy.

Until, she grew unfazed by them. I pointed such a thing out and that is when she had broken my soul into pieces. 

Why has she not told me? Revenge perhaps?

I had hurt her.

I bite a piece of my dignity, knowing and admitting that I have done wrong, yet I feel enlightened for such a small thing.

I have hurt her.

I have hurt her too much.

Too much that she looks upon me as a individual bouncing back to her after a failed relationship. 

There was no sleep for my mind, for this issue was constantly on my mind.

Perhaps, I grew too desperate in my search for love. I was clouded by my desire, by my yearning to know that I am accepted by a beautiful female, by my dreams of being able to look upon such a female for hope when I have hit the lowest points. 

4:16 A.M

And now, here I lay in bed. 

Pondering, within me, a roaring city of blood boiling rage and raindrops of sadness at what I have done.

At the mere monster I wished not to become. 

Yet, now, as I lay and ponder ever so often, I know what crimes I have commited to such a girl like her and I admit such crimes.

I comprehend now that an apology is in order to her. 

I comprehend now that my quest for love must be halted temporarily.

To repair my inner workings, to learn that such a way to treat a girl is forbidden, to grow as an individual. 

I will slowly, and steadily, work on my mind, to rebuild it's slaughtered corpse and forgive myself.

It is time to start anew, and I shall not falter in my journey to rebuild what is left within.

I feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders, and I feel relieved for such a thing.