Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

I had the same dream again. I am back at my Nanny's house. The old television set is playing cartoons to distract us while nanny worked on her project for school on her laptop. I sat down in front of the t.v. on the fluffy carpet mom gave to Nanny and enjoyed some cartoon. Sayde (Say-Dee), the neighbors' daughter, comes in from the kitchen with a small bowl of store-bought chocolate chip cookies. She sits down next to me and offers me some of her cookies. We'd watch t.v. and talk about kid stuff like how we've always did. When nanny is finished with her work, she would always come sit with us in front of the t.v. and spend some time with us. Nanny liked spending time with us, talking to us, sharing secrets, and tell us about the world. Though, sometimes, she'd talk a little too much to handle. She asked us who we'd want to marry when we grow up. I shouted out with disgust at the thought of marriage like all kids do while Nanny teases me about girls constantly falling for me in a jokingly manner. "What about you Sayde?" Nanny asked. "I don't know. Maybe...," Sayde turns her gaze towards me with a playful sinister grin. 

"Maybe i'll marry you."

I wake up from the dream right as she said 'you'. Was it really just a made-up fantasy, or wishful-thinking? I really don't know. It's only been a couple of weeks, but it feels like forever's already passed. Was it because you said it to me that one day? When we were teens, spending the day together, walking through the fields that morning, relaxing at the forest stream that afternoon, and swinging on the swings behind the house that evening? You told me: "You want me to love you, but you were only ever my best friend. It won't feel right to love and marry a best friend in that way. Don't worry, One day, you'll find the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, and it won't be me. Someday i'll marry someone who treats me as good as you treat me. Maybe, just maybe, someday... " she gives me a sad look and a light smile,

"maybe i'll marry you."

She gave me a light friendly peck on the cheeks that night, and I secretly fell in love with her. I made a promise to myself that moment, that i'll only marry once, and i'll save it for that special person when she was ready. I wanted to tell her so bad, The feelings I had for her,  but I didn't want to lose her or her friendship, so I kept that part of me a secret from her, even to this day.

My phone rumbles on the nightstand next to my bed. Its a text from an unknown number. 

This is Sayde's mother, u need 
to come to the hospital quick. 
There's been an accident with Sayde.

What do u mean accident?
What happen to Sayde? Is she
ok?

Somethings happened. It's better if you come. She doesn't have long and wants to talk to u only.

Omw now.

I arrived at the hospital and is greeted by a mother in distress sitting by the check in desk. I ask her about Sayde and what's happened. 

She had crashed herself into a tree and was inflicted with fatal wounds . Paramedics cames and took her to the hospital, but her wounds were too great, and there was nothing more the doctors could do to save her. She's already talked to everyone, and wanted to talk to me one last time.

I enter the room filled with grief and confusion. I didn't know how to react, I should be sad that this was my last moments with the person I love, but I can't help and be confused why she did what she did. She smiles at the sight of me entering the room. We trade greetings, and her smile turns to worry.
I sat down next to her bed and all I could only do was comfort her at this point, reassuring her everything was going to be fine when in fact, I knew it wasn't. I tried to hold myself together, but she already knew what was happening. She comforts me and tells me not to cry anymore. It was difficult for me, but I managed to stop the tears. "Why'd you do this to yourself? Why'd you do this to us?"I needed to know why. She was never the type of person to do this.

"People who I've truly loved always finds other people to love instead. Everyone I know seems to abandon me. Why continue living on when there is nothing to live for. When all people want to do is push you away, its too much to handle. It hurts soo much, and I don't want to endure that pain anymore."

I took her hand slowly in my hand, and just held them. A few sniffles escaped from me, then I tell her,

"But what about me, I've always loved you.
You remember that night, back when we were teens, we spent the whole day together, and just sat by the huge swings and lived in the moment? You gave me a kiss that night remember, and I fell in love with you. I didn't tell you because you only wanted to be my friend, nothing more. I didn't want to lose you as a friend, so I respected your decision, but deep inside, I knew you were the one. I just wanted you to love me, but you pushed me away someone else."
 
Sayde's eyes water up and she begins crying, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you that, because you were the only one I wanted to love, but I didn't know if you truly felt the same way about me, and I was also afraid of not being good enough for you and lose you alltogether. There was never truly a someone else in my life, and I had really meant it, that I was waiting that person to become more than a friend to me. You were more than a friend to me, but I didn't know if I could've been more to you. When I gave you that kiss on the swings, it was not from a friend, but truly from me. I told you that day remember, I'll marry someone who treats me as good as you do, but all I really wanted to say was,"

"I'll marry you." 

"but, I guess it's too late for that now."

Hearing that from her, well, I could understand. We could have loved eachother, but we couldn't tell the other our feelings, from fear of us abandoning one another. It breaks my heart that she kept that secret from me, but at least now I know. The least I could do now, is make her happy in our last moment together.

"It doesn't matter now, all that matters is that we both know the truth. We can stop pretending to eachother, and finally love eachother. I've wanted to ask you this for a long time now, and now may be the only time for this."

I take hold of her hand and ask,
 "Will you marry me?"

She gives me a happy smile through her pain and tears,

"Yes, I will."

I leaned in to kiss her, and so did she. But before I could, her heart monitor flatlines. She falls back onto the bed and her breathing stopped with one last exhale. I cried out to her in desperate attempts to try and wake her up, but it was no use anymore. Her eyes closed one last time and she fell into eternal sleep. She was gone, and I just cried over and over because I couldn't believe she was really gone. I regain myself, and gave her one last kiss as my final goodbye, not to a friend, but to the girl I loved.

"Goodbye Sayde. I'll see you again someday."

"I love you."

Written while listening to:
Peter Gundry - Nostalgic Dream