Being A Good Christian Read Count : 13

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A
Twenty five years ago I became a born again Christian I went to church twice a week bible study and fellowship with other Christians to keep my faith strong and lord jesus in my heart and mind.
 Now after this first paragraph you have either switched off and stopped reading or you have made up your mind as to where this piece is going, maybe your right I dont know I'm not in your head and this is the point of this little piece. As I have said twenty five years ago I became a born again Christian but the people I surrounded myself with were not good Christians I did meet good ones but they didn't have nice clothes or big nice cars and houses so i thought they were bad Christians and the lord was punishing them. I married a Christian woman and we had a child, the woman went to church twice a week bible study fellowship with other Christians and she prayed several times a day but we were poor she was at university and I worked full time to provide for my family. It didn't take long before resentment set in some would say it was satan at work some would say it was financial worries I myself think it was me, I had gone into a church where people had money and I thought they had got this due to them being Christians and the more I got to know them the more I saw they were greedy people they would go to church praise the lord for what they had donate a little money and leave feeling good about themselves. I sort Christian advice trying to keep a grasp on my life so I could become rich unfortunately this just took me further away from the lord and into the arms of another woman, I kissed this woman one afternoon and the same evening racked with guilt I told my wife it was over and I was leaving her, I watched as my wife crumpled and cried and when she asked why I lied and said I was having a affair and it had been going on for awhile, I quickly moved in with the other woman she was a lapsed Christian and we had a child my faith was shot by this time I was drinking heavily doing drugs even cheating on my new partner I had left the lord behind. Eventually she left me so I went back to my first wife I was angry at the world at God at myself I intended to be dead by the time I was forty if not before, so back to my first wife I went and got her pregnant not very wise or nice as I left her again and went back to my ex partner we tried to make it work and I got her pregnant.
 If you are still reading you will probably be thinking two things one being what a bastard and how stupid were these women, well by this point my faith was gone my wife divorced me and took my two children and my partner left me again taking my other two children. I was a mess mentally but always had a smile and this got me into another long term relationship she wasn't a Christian she wasn't religious she was 17 and a virgin we started seeing each other and I was sure I wanted no more children so she went to the doctors and started contraception, we were together 2 and a half years I had cheated many times and finally one day I ended it I couldn't destroy another life I was bad no wonder I was poor jesus was punishing me he knew how evil I was. For two years i stayed single became a alcoholic a frequent recreational drug user . My life was shit I was burning more bridges than I could build surrounding myself with people who would feed of my negative attitude until I met my wife now I have been married for 15 years and we have two beautiful children, one Thursday afternoon I was playing on my phone when I decided to see how easy it would be to become ordained to my surprise it's very easy so I did it. This was a big joke to everyone who knew me and I got loads of people asking me if I would perform their wedding ceremonies for them, by this point of my life I had stopped drinking and drug use but I was still financially poor and still not happy. Until recently I thought being a good Christian would bring me wealth and happiness I put my self worth into a financial sum and because I hadn't received this sum I was worthless and god didn't exist because I was poor.
 Many years on I see alot of greed and with social media you don't even have to leave your house to witness such things but I no longer think that I am poor I am one of the wealthiest people I know not financially I have nothing in fact I would go as far as to say we are struggling financially, but I have a family and friends and a relationship with the lord again but I will not call myself a Christian yes I could call myself a minister or a preacher or even a pastor but I prefer not to use titles. 

Comments

  • strange

    Aug 19, 2019

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