Category : Stories

Sub Category : Drama

It's 1.47 am.... and I'm awake .....hurting in silence as I lay next to my husband of 14 years....I don't know how much longer I can keep ignoring the fact that I need to move on as what I'm going through isn't healthy..... I'm lost in a sea of hurt  anger frustration hate despair and it's Fucking depressing. Every day I wake up and I hope "Today" would be different  "Today" would be easier but it just doesn't....if anything come night and I'm in bed with my front against his back hoping he would turn and hold me or even a little bit more but it doesn't happen  it never happens.... hell I'm hoping for what I don't know anymore but I do....&  if I get lucky it's a bonus ... and that's if his in the mood but mostly I think it's to keep me  from having another argument regarding our  intimacy on top of every thing else ....I wish I could have just one day where he would stop and see me ..... and say I love u after giving a tenderly soul shaking kiss the kind of kiss that will erase any doubt .... but that would not happen as even kissing me is to much of an effort ..... Damn greeting me goodnight doesn't even happen never did in fact come to think of it I'm always the one to greet him every night .....as when  I get into bed  he's already fast asleep.... I really feel used and unappreciated unloved I don't what other words to put this in. But hurting is one of them that during the day I have the liberty of crying and wallowing in self despair as our kids are in school and not witnesses to their mothers pain.... and in the afternoon I spend a most of my time making sure they are okay and happy .....but when he walks through that door at what ever time he feels is good to grace us with his presence then he does .... he greets and the first thing I  pay close attention to is the tone of voice that will determine the night we in for.... why am I still in this marriage....why am I torturing myself in hopes of something I know will never come to pass..... it's 2.02 am now and I'm awake with tears rolling down the side of my face and my mouth muffled with a pillow to soften the sounds of my sniffling  silent crying like I do so many other nights ..... Lord have mercy give me strength and most of all show me a way.....