Category : Articles
Sub Category : Miscellaneous
Recently, a stranger spoke quite rudely to me, in a manner to put it bluntly, was qualifiable within the realm of "bitchy". I don't invite experiences like this into my life, so it had been years since I navigated an interaction like this one. While I handled it as gracefully as I could in the moment by simply excusing myself from the situation, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't triggered.
When I shared with my mom of the unpleasant encounter I had with that woman, I was surprised at how emotional I felt. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tried to explain to her why I was so upset. It wasn't until later that day that the true root of the emotions clicked in.
That woman was reflecting back to me how parts of me had showed up when pushed or provoked, and it was uncomfortable to see a mirror for how I appear when in that space.
I admit, my inner bitch had been intense. And I'm humbled to also admit it has been my love who had interacted with "her".
Now, I'm not talking about the fiery ferocity that's a sacred, integral part of who I am. What I'm referring to is the part that's dormant within me that's unseen until I lash out - the inner bitch.
And what this inner bitch of mine does is.... she responds automatically with fire instead of grace. She shoots daggers with glaring eyes instead of choosing to see the person in front of me through the lens of love. She uses words as weapons; even if not using a raised voice, tonality can make all the difference between poison and medicine. It is not pleasant to feel this energy operating in me and I believe it's certainly not enjoyable for those around me either.
I'm not going to lie, it took a lot of effort on my part to try to keep that beast in check. I created containers within myself to work with my inner bitch to refine myself to the point where she is not just able to suddenly rear her head.
I still haven't perfected the art in keeping her under wraps so it's still a work in progress. But I have seen some positive improvements - I now allow myself to be in my fury, but not become the fury. Sure, it may not seem like much, but hey, baby steps can eventually go a long way.