Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

These next four pieces were written at the bitterest part of the loss of my son
I’m doing this to give any readers going through similar tragedy some insight 
Into the dynamics of severe loss
Although everyone deals with grief in different ways there are support organizations available 
In my situation they -with writing- friends and family were instrumental in the healing process 
One is never totally healed but with time and hard work a life quality can return
Though the scars of this never completely heal
There is hope if one is willing to pursue 
It

                    #1 
                Questions            April    1989
The cold- damp darkness has invaded through the window into the room-
Into me
It’s tendrils reach into my heart and marrow-omnipresent 
Is this what I see-the me ofthe future or
is this just grief talking
Is this perpetual winter with glimpses
of sunshine now my legacy 
Has my life eclipsed into a permanent state of darkness that I cannot control
Are my dreams of Marc - handsome
and alive a peak into the future of my death 
Are the cries I don’t cry- the tears I don’t shed omens of what is to be
Beyond one- who for much of his life
found the glad half full:
Is the glass now to be permanently 
empty
The advice I often gave to others 
does not fit to well on me now
If time is the great healer
Will there be enough time to heal me
                            ?
                             #2
        Normal          April  1989
I used to laugh a lot - I had a good sense of humor
I used to go to movies and plays
I used to enjoy small talk- philosophical 
discussions
I used to enjoy walking on the beach and people watching
I used to watch t.v. for enjoyment now it’s my anesthesia
Maybe someday I’ll be like that again
But for now this is normal 

                         #3

      12:39 AM             April 1989
Sleep alludes me as grief pursued me
I have become a poet of the apocalypse 
dealing in death and darkness 
I am a flower held firmly in the fingers of
grief
On occasion the grip loosens- there is relief and light
 But-soon again I’m back- the fingers 
pressing ever so tightly on my past- present and-God help me-my future 

                        #4
                     Forever           August   1989
I am forever changed
I am forever sad
I will forever cry 
I will be never glad 

I will forever ask
I will forever pain
I will forever wish
This will be my refrain 

When words escape my thoughts 
And tears do blur my eyes 
I will forever dream
Life will hold no surprise 

As the years go on
And as I slowly heal
There will remain a scar 
That will be sharp and  real 

As many experts write 
And if I have my way
The time of death for me
Will be a happy day

For we will meet again
Rejoicing in that time 
The pain will disappear 
Joy being forever mine