Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Hothon se nikalti har ek adhuri lafz jo shayad kabhi in aankhon ka sabse kamiyaab khabb hua karti thi ya phir ye keh lo ek hakikat jisme mai roz ek naya din jeeti thi or ek haseen tasveer bunaa karti thi.aj 21st june 2019 mai ek shikayat likh rahi hu jo kabhi shayad kisi se kiya hi nahi ,khud se bhi nahi ,bas apne hothon pe saja  ke lafzo me utarne ki koshish ki hai, shayad asal zindagi me nahi to apne lafzo me baayan kar saku ...."SHIKHWAA".meri zindagi ki ek anjaan mod ki kahaani.

Yeh baat tab ki hai jab mai pehli baar apne aankhon se dekhe sapne ko sacch karne ke liye apna pehla kadam badhaya tha is baat se bilkul anjaan ki wo mera pehla badhaya kadam mjhe us raaste se jod dega jiski koi manzil nahi hogi, is baat se bekhabar ki uss raste par sirf ajnabi hi milte h apne nahi ,kehte h na hawa bhi apki oar chalne wali hi feel hoti h jo apko sukoon de jati h .ulti oar chalne wali hawa apki julfoo ki tarah apko uljhanne deti h..hazaaro ki bheed me bhi uski nazaro ne mujhe dhund hi liya chupaya tha maine khud ko par baccho ki muskurahat jaisi uski smile ne mujhe apni taraf khich hi liya..meri life badalne lagi mai badalne lagi uski haanthon me mera haath uski hothon se nikali har ek shabd meri ungliyon se hokar panno mein chapne lagi or na jane kitni hi kitabo me badal gayi.aj bhi waqt wahi h mai wahi hu wo wahi h bas raaste badal gaye akhir anjaan raaste kab tak saath dete hamara .raasta unhe milta h jinki koi manzile likhi hoti hai unki nahi jo raasto me kho jate hai.afsos kal bhi hua or aj bhi hota h agar us waqt kadamo ko rok liya hota to aj pairo par lagi chonte itni na chubti .uski yaadon se khud ko chudana itna muskil bhi nahi tha bas itni si shart thi khud se ki khud ko bhulna hoga..koshishe hoti rahi khud se khud ko bhulne ki na mai kamiyaab ho payi na usne kabhi kamiyaab hone diya.

Pyaar ajeeb tha uska ,uske rang me rangi mai is tarah ki pata hi nahi chala rang kala kab hua.
Na duniyaa ki khabar na gharwalon ka khawf bas mai or mera pyaar sabse paak tha.mera pyaar se kab meri jaan bana pata hi nahi chala .hamare pyaar ke gulab bhi khile mahak hawao me bhi ghuli or dekhte dekhte shukh bhi gaye .sunna tha ki khud ko badal kar pyaar nahi kiya jata yahi yaad dilate dilate khud ko badal diya maine.or jab hosh aya toh chah kar bhi usse yeh nahi keh payi ki mai wapas jaana chahti hu apni duniyaa me ...pyaar toh usne bhi kiya asa pyaar jo shayad kisi ne nahi kiya hoga itna pyaar ki nafrat or pyaar k bich ka fasla simmat sa gya.itni mohabbat ki mjhe paane ki chah me mjhe barbaad bhi karna manjur kiya.pyaar ase jo kitabo se nikal kar jahn se nafrat ban kar behne lagi.pyaar asa jo khuli hawa se pinjare me badal gya .pyaar maine usne dono ne kiya itna kiya ki mujhe barbaad hona or usse karna junoon ban sa gaya.hamare bich sabkuch badalne laga jha mera pyaar usse azaad kar raha tha wahi uska pyaar mjhe har ek mod pe naye bandhan me bandh raha tha.."meri maa hamesha kehti thi rishte ki 2 dor hoti hai jisse do log thamte hai agar ek khich rha ho to dusre ko hamesha dhil deni chahiye ...asa karne se kabhi dhaaga tutega nahi.."is baat ko apne man me samaye mai har pehel karne se phele jhukne lagi waqt badalta rha wo badlta par mai wahin usi dor ko thamme khadi rahi, maaza ane lga uske bandhan me bandh kar naye rishto se milkar naye sapne naye log naye kasme nayi zindagi sabkuch saja liya bina uski permission ke socha hi nahi jo baat maa se shikhi wo lines incomplete thi ,us lines ke end se rubaru tab hui jab zindagi ne meri life hi badal di khud me biti khud ki zindagi ne us line ko complete kiya..jo mjhe shikhne ko mila wo ye tha ki, "hamesha ek hi taraf se dhil dene se dhaage ki majbuti khatam ho jati hai rishta tab panapta hai jab dono taraf se strenghth mile dhaage ko" yeh shikhte shikhte shayad kafi der ho chuki thi ab na haantho mein takat thi na dhaage mein.kisi ke bandhan me bandh kar rehna shyad itna muskil nahi tha jitna kisi ko aazadi dena.log hmesha bhul jate h bandhan pyaar me zaruri h to azaadi ka matlab bhi ek simit bandhan hai.tab tak to meri aankho or namak ke pani kya kehte h usse aansu ka atut rishta bhi ban chuka tha .tasvere uski aj bhi in aankho me mehfuj h fark itna h kal apna tha aj ek adhura tuta sapna.chahat aj bhi kahin zinda h uski nafrato me or meri duwaao me.kehte hai jajbaato ko lafz mil jaiye to jakham bhar hi jate h .mere toh aansu lafz jakham milkar bhi shikwa nahi karte..bheeni palke uthati zarur hai par srf duwao k liye..usse to is duaa se bhi aitraaz hai,mere or bhagwan ke bich bhi usse judi kuch raaz h ,mandiro ne rasta badalna shikha diya har ek rah par sir jhuka kar usse maanga jo tha.meri palko ne jaagne ki aadat jo daal li thi raate to uski palko ne so kar bitayi thi..is rishte me khush wo tha or hasti mai thi ...shayad yahi to mere liye uska pyaar tha..har baar ye soch kar himmat hi nahi kiya ki agar shikayat karu bhi to ungliyan mere pyaar par hi uthegi ,tha to wo mera kabhi kisi or ka mana hi nahi.uski zubaan ka jooth meri hakikat hoti or mujh pagli ka sacch bhi proof k saath hota..uski ek jhalak meri nasooro ka marham tha.smjha to unse bhi mujhe tha tab hi toh nafrat k kaabil banaya.pathhar hoon mai islye toh samjh nahi pa rhi log nafrat kaise karte hai mjhe to uss din bhi usse nafrat nahi hui jab usne mere liye badduaao ka sej saza diya uski chahat meri haar thi kisi ka naam mere saath na jude sake yeh aarzoo thi.hasi ati thi mujhe ye sochkar kaya to dur mai to parchhai bhi na rahi..kehta tha wo logo se pyaar ussne kiya maine use dhokha diya.muskurati aj bhi hoon maine dhokha hi sahi usse uski zindagi toh diya.palke aj bhi bheegte hai mere par lab muskurate h uski nazaro ke aiyne me apni nafrat ki parchhai dekhkar.usse choddna meri majburi thi mere marne mein uski zindagi thi mai to bas ek saman thi na haq  tha kisi chiz ka na faisla lene ki manjoori thi bas uski nazaro me mai ek naam thi.royi to mai bhi thi tadap mujhe bhi hui thi kadam mai uss waqt bhi badhana chahti thi par kya karti raaste mit gye the.

Uss pyaar ko kya naam deti jisse kabhi nai sambhal sakti ,galt na wo tha na mai sahi thi , jane kyun ab uss par bharosa nahi hota raaste alag h hamare muh to kab ka phera tha maine mandiro me bandhe sare pyaar ke dhaage tode the in haatho se. muskil tha khud ko khud se alag karna ek katra pani tak nahi chodda jee bhar kar roya jab khud ke haatho khud ke pyaar ka pehla khat jalaya.ab baat kuch or hai ek naye mod par mai hu ek naye mod par wo hai.par uski nafrat aj bhi zinda h mere liye.....