Category : Stories

Sub Category : Comedy

      It was duty on counter of Bajrang Hotel where Dammu was receiving the bills and payments of the snacks served to the customers. This hotel was famous for the snacks aloopoha, Bhajia , Samosha and Aloogonda and tea boiled with gingewr and cardamom was liked most . Punctually round nine o' clock Shambhu Maharaj Boliwala arrived there for free breakfast and tea whatever the fresh fried snacks prepared say as Aloogonda, Samosha and Aloopoha etc. It was the hospitality of the guests and friends from the proprietor of hotel Bajarang Maharaj  as they chatted there for half an hour then some other community members who were rajasthani Brahmin [ Lalsotia] also joined in the gossip and Bajarang Maharaj was flibbertigibbet so he liked flattery , gossip and stories of persons from Rajasthan - what they called it as Desh or native place. So Bajrang Maharaj called the waiter or supplier [slang] to serve them half cups tea  and Bhajia or samosha as courtesy.  thus Bajrang Maharaj was very popular among the members of Rajasthani Brahmin community and customers at Rajnandgaon. Bajrang Maharaj was amiable so people went there to  share their stories  and problems etc. Shambhu Maharaj saw that Dammu was third son of bajrang Maharaj and was managing the counter . He asked Bajrang Maharaj ," chhora bada ho gaya hai shadi like ho gaya hai." [ Boy has grown up or adult and it is age to marry him]. bajarang Maharaj said, ' Han ho gayo hai attarha mei lago hai " [ Yes he is eighteen years of age]. Shambhu Maharaj said, " Shantu Hatika is going to marry three days onward at Nagpur. You may send him to Nagpur in Baraat [ marriage procession] perhaps you have invitation card."  Bajrang Maharaj responded , " yes i have the invitation card but now question is who will accompany him in the marriage procession ." Shambhu Maharaj responded , " No problem, send Kammoo - Chhora of Gauri shankar [ son of Gauri shankar ] who is of the same age group and two years junior to Dammu . Both are Mama and Bhanja by relation.[ Maternal uncle and nephew] . I will give message to some parents of girls that they will see them." 
         Yearly examination system was suitable in India as British Crown exercised then followed by  the Indian Government . What a lovely days of leisure for two months from first of May to thirtieth of June as per climate of India in tropical regions and winter vacation of Dipawali and Dushehara for twenty five days . British Empire declared Shimla as the winter capital of India  and they were wise enough that shifted capital from Calcutta to Delhi for good governance , administration and law and order. It was month of may and day was Sunday in the year 1970. Prabhu Hatika and Rammu Hatika were receiving the guests  or Baraatis whom they invited and delivered yellow coloured rice grains as a custom to welcome the guests. About fifty guests assembled in the house of Shantu Hatika about ten o' clock thena marriage procession wandered in city and they arrived the railway station . It was passenger train likely to depart by eleven o' clock . They all secured the seats in a coach along with groom and Purohit [priest] and they reached Nagpur station in evening about six o' clock where they took brunch at Dongargarh station because the train halted for twenty minutes. Each guest enjoyed Pudi and Saag [ fried flour cakes and vegetable of potatoes] and mango pickles and sweetmeat Laddu. They knelt down on the platform of Dongargarh station paying obeisance to Goddess Bamleshvari whose temple is at the mountain and might be seen from the platform.  
        Guests were welcomed with lime sherbet at Nagpur Railway Station and they were transported to an inn with their luggage in a mini bus. All the guests were staying in a big hall or dormitory where beds were lied on the floor . In night they assembled in the dining hall and dined there - Roti, rice, lentils, chickpeas vegetable, salad and Gulabjamun [sweetmeat]. Round ten o' clock they retired on the beds. Kammoo and Dammu were retiring on the beds side by side on the same row and four old men were retiring on the beds on the opposiite row  there in the dormitory. Some young guests were sat in a circle and started playing Transistor radio and listening the programme of filmy songs . some guys were talking about to watch movie next day as there was Engagement to be accomplished about eleven o' clock. Old men were making plan to visit Ganesh temple at Tekri near railway station and to meet some relatives and inform them about Dammu for marriage proposal - what they might see him or rather take interview as per will of Bajarang Maharaj . Pawan was very notorious guy who was a guest ther from Tumsar and came near to saraju who was plating cards with some guests and said," Saraju what is the programme tomorrow - I wish to go to Liberty Talkies to watch movie because I like English movie - the romance , thrill and adventure , you know i like most the clean streets and buildings and beautiful girls and women who kiss directly in public to their partners or friends. Saraju if you may purchase tickets of Jogi club then we may see the cabaret dance where we have to invest rupees two hundred as entry fee or ticket to the show and we have to give order to waiter for beer or whisky and vegetable Pulao and fried cashew or any plate as per Menu. You know we may dance with the girls and lady dancer there for a while even that dancer serves wine on the table . But we have to do advance booking because there is always rush as only one club is here that is having licence."  
    Saraju said, " these guys playing cards and make a plan to go a brothel Jongu Momgu that is famous kiddie stroll of nagpur." Five guests who were playing cards were taking interest in the conversation of Saraju and Pawan. Kammuoo and Dammu also heard them talking about kiddie stroll. Sudden an old man coughed and farted with bursting sound of balloon. Attention of old men attracted towards the conversation of Pawan and Saraju as they heard about Jongu Mongu brothel the famous kiddie stroll. An old man said," he used to go that kiddie stroll when he was young and a bottom girl was present there or escorted by the pimp who had some photographs of girls - kinky, milf and naughty aunts etc. Another old man who had set of artificial teeth took out of the mouth and said, " Once I went there and paid Rupees hundred only for one hour appointment or service." All oldmen were laughing at Saraju and Pawan because they were raising fund to watch the show of cabaret and some guys were gambling to raise the funds per head Rupees one thousand to enjoy the company of a call girl. Old men lighted Bidis and were smoking they puffed and farted with cracking sounds then took Ayurvedic medicine Churna or powder Triphla [ mixture of granules of gooseberry, black salt, Chebulic myrobalam , belaric or bastard myrobalam - Harad, Baheda, Awala]. Kammoo and Dammu were surprised to hear their gossip and they had only Rupees twenty so they might watch only movie but they had to wander the city on foot . Saraju said to pawan , " not to confront the local people because they have knives and may attack on strangers over any petty issue or dispute or haggling." Saraju, Pawan and other guys were smoking cigarettes and said, " it is hot here in the dormitory so they wanted to shift on the top roof where ventilation was good due to open air and zephyrs.  
    It was Monday they woke up round nine o' clock when the volunteers and attendants woke up them for breakfast - hot tea, Aloogonda and Jalebi. They had snacks then had showers and were ready to attend the engagement. All guests assembled in a big hall where chairs and beds were arranged properly to perform the Engagement ceremony. Priests from Nagpur and Rajnandgaon were present and gifts were decorated on big trays say as dried fruits, dresses for groom and jewelry and a bundle of hundred rupee notes. Santu sat on a cushion of Chowki [ stool] and priests sited some holy hymns in Sanskrit and guests from bride side were honouring Santu and putting a red mark of vermilion fixing rice granules on his forehead and each guest was offering him rupees fifty on a towel in his lap with a handful pieces of Batasha [sugary round tablets or discs or biscuits]. After Santu's Engagement gueste from groom's side were ready for engagement ceremony of bride and they were clad in colourful dresses . Bride was in attractive make up and red Saree enteredin  the hall and sat on the cushion of the chowki[small stool] then both priests cited holy hymns in Sanskrit and guests were greeting the bride putting a red mark of vermilion on the forehead of bride and presenting her rupees fifty or hundred and a handful batasha[ sugary biscuits]. Meanwhile volunteers served Aloogonda, Jalebi and orange juice to guests. As the Engagement ceremony over all the guests were eager to go to Nagpur. Old men caught two rickshaws and started to Ganesh temple of Tekri. Saraju, Pawan and their friends hired two rickshaws and headed to Liberty Talkies to watch the matinee show of an English movie. Saraju said, " Dammu and Kammoo you may go to Maharaja Bagh [garden] and may watch any movie in nearby talkies because we will go to watch evening show of cabaret ." Dammu nodded and said to Kammu, " we will be bore here rather assemble some more fellows who may roam with us on foot because we have insufficient money only twenty rupees for entertainment then marriage ceremony will be performed tomorrow and day after tomorrow we will depart for Rajnandgaon." 
    Dammu and Kammoo asked some  guests to accompany them to go Maharaja Bagh and two local boys Bunty and Sunny agreed to go with them.  They went on foot about five kilometers to reach the garden - it is one o' clock they were hungry so they spent five rupees to purchase a plate of Pulao and devoured it.  they watched the wild animals in a nearby zoo. They made a plan to watch a movie and purchased four tickets in four rupees to watch a Hindi movie " Half Ticket" at a nearby talkies in Sitabuldi. Round seven o'clock they returned the inn or Dharmshala . santu and his father reprimanded Dammu and kammoo -" where they were wandering in city like loafers and didn't take lunch and it was time to have dinner ." Dammu and Kammoo apologized and said that they went to see Maharaja Bagh and visited zoo and Ganesh Temple  and searched for Saraju, Pawan , old men and other guests and they came to know that about forty guests were absent since eleven o' clock in day and neither had lunch, tea nor meals in night, however Dammu and Kammoo dined at eight o' clock in night - Dal Bati, Churma, Panna[ raw boiled mango pulp shake] , Papad and vegetable of Gatta[ a Rajasthani dish - boiled gram flour roll cubes vegetable, Dal Bati, Churma - mixed lentils , baked flour cakes, baked grined flour cakes mixed with sugar power and ghee]. Dammu said, " it is time to sleep ten o' clock." Dammu and kammoo slept then. 
    It was Tuesday all the guests were served tea and snacks near nine o' clock . They consumed Eadaly, Sambher and Gulabjamun. Dammu, and  Kammoo saw that Saraju, Pawan, old men and other guests were sleeping still and some guests said," volunteers you keep the plates of snacks by the side of beds as we came here early in the morning round about five o' clock , we will consume snacks but serve tea first. " Old men were smoking Bidis and sipping tea and eating biscuits they were farting making cacophony as a bike was running with bursting sounds without silencer emitting smoke. Two old men shouted , " Lagi re lagi re tati lagi re"[we have to defecate and feeling pressure in belly and pelvis] they ran towards the toilets.  
    A marriage procession started from the inn where groom rode a white horse and a band party and a lady dancer joined the procession and it was twelve o' clock noon. They were dancing on the road with a lady dancer and filmy song tunes were played by the band party . Saraju, Pawan and some guests were tossing notes rather they moved notes round the heads of the dancing guests and hurled in air. One guest was having a bundle of two rupee notes and throwing in air pushing with forefinger towards the body of lady dancer . Even the horse was dancing on the melodious musical tunes. Baraat or marriage procession arrived to the premises of the house of Bride and photographer was snapping shots. It was one o' clock noon . Groom and guests were welcomed and secured seats in lawn under the wedding tent or pavilion . It was a buffet meals well decorated in pots and plates were kept on the tables but old persons didn't like the buffet they wanted service of volunteers to feed them so they sat in a row on a long mat and volunteers served them Pudi, Kachori, Sangari vegetable [ Dried herb vegetable found in Rajasthan] , Jalebi, Pakoda. Launji[ vegetable of raw mangoes] Papad and gulabjamun[ sweetmeat]. Dammu and Kammoo waged a bet with Bunty and Sunny for rupees ten where they had to eat fifty Gulabjamuns and they entrusted umpiring to Saraju and Pawan to count the pieces of Gulabjamun that they ate so they sat in Pangat or row on a mat and all the four guys were demanding Gulabjamuns from volunteers. Bunty and Sunny ate hardly thirty Gulabjamuns and it was Dammu who ate alone sixty Gulabjamuns and kammoo ate ten Gulabjamuns and some pieces of Papad. They didn't devour other viands. Saraju and pawan declared that team of Dammu and Kammoo won the bet and asked Bunty and Sunny to give Ten Rupees to Dammu who ate sixty Gulabjamuns. but Bunty and Sunny apologized because they were having only two rupees . Dammu said, " okay, you lost the bet." Then dammu ate Papad, Bhajia, Kachori and vegetable of potatoes and drank a cup of Panna[boiled raw mango pulp shake] . saraju, Pawan and guests said, " Dammu is foodie."  
     Santu sat on mat to take meals and volunteers served him a plate of meals. He said, " Rasogulla, Jalebi, Pakoda, Khir, Pudi, Pulao, Papad, vegetables of potatoes and Sangari [ herb vegetable] I like but who served me vegetable of boiled wheat ." People burst in to laughter because that cup of vegetable was not of the boiled wheat but that was vegetable of raisins, Fenugreek seeds and cashews specially made for him by his sister in law . His sister in law arrived and said, " it is special receipe Fenugeek seeds and dried fruits." So he agreed to take meals but in a custom of Kawanr Kalewa to ask a gift from bride's father to give consent for marry his daughter he cried, " I want a radio transistor instantly of Philips brand albeit I will neither take the feast[ Kawar kaleva] nor marry the girl - whatever the articles of dowry that is the concern of Babuji[ father] not me but I want first a radio transistor . I like to listen radio Cylone and Vivid Bharti or All India Radio and I like most filmy songs." Uncle of the bride gave five hundred rupees to Saraju and asked him to buy a radio transistor set of Philips for Santu. Saraju asked Dammu and kammoo to accompany him to purchase the radio set and they went a nearby shop and purchased a set of transistor radio set of Philips brand worth Rupees six hundred where hundred rupees more cost paid by Saraju as he was brother in law of Santu at a distant relation. they gifted it to Santu and Dammu loaded the cell batteries where kammoo gave him five rupees to purchase a set of two batteries. Saraju , Dammu and kammoo demonstrated to Santu - how to play the radio. He switched on or tuned on radio Cylone and was listening the filmy songs . Santu feasted the viands and desserts and was ready to marry the girl or bride . As marriage ceremony started and both priests were citing vedic hymns and worshiping gods and goddesses as per customs before the fire box where both bride and groom were holding a ball of henna in grip of right palms. All of a sudden Dammu switched off the transistor and kammoo grabbed it and ran away but it was santu who shouted , " you little devil bring me back my transistor radio or else i will hit you." Dammu rose up and took the transistor radio from Kammoo and was playing it tuning on Vivid Bharti radio the programme of filmy songs. Kammu said, " Brother santu you come here and take this radio from Dammu I spent five rupees in purchasing Eveready cell batteries , first give me my rupees back and Saraju is asking to give him Rupees one hundred that he spent in purchasing the radio."  Santu annoyed and shouted , " Dammu give me back my radio or else I may choke you.." Dammu didn't return the radio and provoked Santu showing thumb. Santu lost temper and rose up abusing Dammu and Kammoo and he ran away from the altar of fire box made for marriage ceremony. Even in fury and wrath he forgot that he was holding the hand of bride to marry  and he dropped the holy ball of henna . He caught Dammu and hit him on chest and head with fist then slapped on both the cheeks and grabbed the radio. Kammoo ran away rather escaped from the lawn and was weeping. Babuji, uncle, priests and father of bride solaced and convinced Santu to marry . Dammu and saraju came out in search of kammoo - where thwy found Kammoo in a nearby temple of Lord Shiva.  
     In night a grnd dinner means banquet or Reception Party called Badhar hosted by the bride's father in the lawn from seven o' clock. All the guests had dinner where four sweetmeats they ate Rasogulla, Ghevar, Gulabjamun and Jalebi. Reception Party called Barad in those days and hosted by the bride's father so all the guests had partaken in the banquet they were tired so returned to the inn that was two kilometers away . Old men were smoking Bidis and some persons were smelling snuffs and an old man who had artificial teeth set was cleansing his teeth with brush. He supplied a potion or pinch of Trifla Churna [ Ayurvedic medicine for digestion and gastric trouble] to another old man and they were exchanging the bottel of medicine . One old man whispered to another , " ask Saraju , Pawan and his friends where they had gone yesterday." His fellow man said, " don't ask them these all young men are hooligans rather they did some mischief or misdemeanors perhaps went to Jongu Mongu brothel or Jogi club to watch cabaret ." Another old man said, " no first ask Dammu and Kammu where thhey had gone yesterday then ask saraju and his friends about their travel stories to pass the time."  
    Dammu and Kammu both narrated that they visited a zoo , Ganesh temple and watched movie " Half Ticket" and strolled in Maharaja Bagh . Saraju said , ' they are children or good boys ." Sudden an old man said, ' okay your friends are also members of gentry but where is your golden chain it is missing from your neck." Saraju said, " if i tell my story then you will not mind and criticize or refute me." He granted permission and told that he was watching the show of cabaret in Jogi club and started dancing  with the dancer lady on the stage or floor and some guys joined in the ball or dance , they were giving tips her money, ring, watch and chain so i also gifted her my golden chain as a remark of fashion and trend. Saraju said, " ask Pawan and his friends where they had been yestwrday in nagpur."  Oldman said, " they were doing Mataagasti[ fun and frolic to saunter etc] . Pawan pointed at two men and said, " they gifted rings and lipsticks money - five hundred rupees to two harlots Jongu Mongu brothel." Old man was smoking Bidi and pulled a long puff and farted loudly and he was rubbing his teeth set with handkerchief and asked him; " how were ladies ugly or beautiful." Pawan said, " don't say ugly or beautiful seeing the figures or physiques - I mean face , breast, trunk or waist and legs and their tastes because dammu and kammoo are drowsy or sleepy and might listen our stories ." A man said, " I was in company of a buffalo and was milking her udders." Pawan asked two other fellows - how were animals? they said, " we milked goat and monkey and played game funky." All old men and guests were laughing but Dammu and kammu were also laughing because old men were farting and smoking bidis and smelling snuffs and they hiccuped loudly also then eating time to time Triphla churn or medicine . One old man was brushing his teeth with Gudhakhu [ paste of jaggery and tobacco] he was also farting so there was club of farting jossers . 
      It was two o' clock in night all the guests were sleeping on the roof they woke up and went to the dormitory to pack their luggage because bride and groom were given farewell to proceed to Rajnandgaon according to Rajasthani customs. Dammu and kammoo were in deep sleep and all guests transported to railway station  about four o' clock in night and their passenger train departed from Nagpur station about five o' clock in the morning.  
      It was nine o' clock in morning when sunlight was intense occurring or focusing on them so they woke up . Dammu saw Kammoo and said," no man is here whether they have gone away perhaps Rajnandgaon ." Kammoo shouted , " Saraju Bhai but there was no response. " They came down and saw that it was closed  - main gate was shut and locked and no body was there. Dammu was crying and said he spent all money in watching movie , feasting and lending ten rupees to Bunty and Sunny. Perhaps santu and old man left us deliberately over the issue of Philips radio transistor and we were laughing at the old men who were farting like silencers of bikes and cars. Kammoo solaced or gratified him and said, " don't worry wait for watch man or janitor round about ten o' clock any intern or employee will come here to open the office at ground floor."  
      Watch man came and opened the main gate round about ten o' clock Dammu and Kammoo approached him and refuted him that all senior guests and old men left them sleeping on the roof and departed for Rajnandgaon. He said, " you may catch the train still as its scheduled departure is at eleven o' clock but the marriage party had departed early in the morning at five o' clock.  
     They proceeded to railway station and kammoo was having five rupee note in the secret pouch of trousers. He said Dammu, " we have to go Kamptee first thirty kilometers away where my aunt lives then tomorrow we will proceed to Rajnandgaon and I will request to lend twenty rupees to aunt." They arrived Kamptee in noon and approached to aunt round about one o' clock. Aunt welcomed them they narrated their stories about old men , santu and Saraju that they had left them sleeping on the roof and we were having no money to go Rajnandgaon. Aunt  said , " don't worry i may buy you tickets tomorrow to go to Rajnandgaon. " They had lunch delicious recipes they tasted - vegetable Pulao , Pudi, vegetable of potatoes, Rasogulla, mango pulp and Papad etc. They said , " aunt meals are delicious." Aunt responded , " these two girls prepared recipes and they had passed their middle school examination." Then old josser came ther who was having artificial teeth met them in Nagpur. He said , " he was having a message for marriage proposal of Dammu so they left you both sleeping on the roof."  
    Kammu laughed a lot because Dammu wept heavily having no money but it was aunt who managed to go them to Rajnandgaon. Dammu and Kammoo then took a pledge that" they will never mock at the club of old jossers who are farting , coughing, hiccuping and smelling snuff in any meeting or conversation ."  They will never forget reprisal of old man.  
      ----- Kamal Kishore Sharma Behind Hotel Midtown sneh Nagar ward number 27 Balaghat[ MP] India 481001
             9424614441  8966088853  date : Friday May 31, 2019