Now I See ; Now I Understand. It Was I That Was The Problem. Read Count : 9

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

Now i see, now i understand.

I’m the nightmare that keeps you up at night, the monster under your bed ready to pounce when given the chance. 

I’m the shadow in the corner lurking, waiting to get you. I am the fear of darkness, the true definition of hurt.

Now i see, now i understand.

She rather sleep, she rather dream, just to get away from me. 

Jeez man, there you go again with your over analytical negativity.  Suppressing thoughts generated out of pure paranoia convincing yourself her love for you is bleak. 

So weak of you to think that way, so blind.

So naive, never noticing when she put in labor work lying down the soil, watered you with love. Only patiently waiting for the mutual love to blossom from her pure selfishness and care expecting flawless nourishment. 

That is just it, she is the flawless nourishment. 

She is the beautiful flower destined to blossom, how can I be so narcissistically incompetent? 

I’m no man, by the looks of it this husband title I have acted upon subpar; quite seldom. 

That’s a HUGE problem; I’M the problem. 

I know the issue, I know what the issue has been. 

Have I made too many mistakes inevitably losing my beautiful sunflower? 

I would love to take full responsibility for all the wrong I have done, picking off your bright yellow peddles slowly questioning whether you love me or love me not. 

So childish. 

Is there one more peddle I can nourish and realize each one lost was a “She loves me” 

I understand I am lost, destructive and selfish. 

You have every right to just completely vanish. 

Do I have another shot? 

Or has the “Loves him so” diminished in that final sunflower peddle? 

Saved for one that’s got it all; Saved for one that is everything I am not. 

I’ve been a monster, I was a monster gifted with a life of light and beauty. 

Picking away at all your beauty, questioning your illumination, love and care due to my own insecurities. 

You stuck it through the rage of the shapeshifting animal I am when you easily could have just packed up and ran. 

This lurking monster in the shadows constructing your nightmares in reality ran you away to happiness consisting of you closing your eyes to rest and escape within your dreams. 

A safe place where a Parallel reality teleports you away from the darkness conjured up by the monster lying next to you. 

Swiftly evaporating into shadows of the unknown leaving you waking up alone slowly realizing you have yet to find home. 

Now I see, now I understand. 

I’m a monster, I’m no man. 

There may not be anymore chances, but the severity blatantly screams out I’m in route on a one way road; This is the last stand.    

Now I must see, now I must understand. 

Am I a monster or a man worthy enough to be this damaged and endangered rare sunflowers husband. 

Signed,

Those Meaningful Words.

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