Category : Stories

Sub Category : Fiction

ENTRY NO. 1

Last night, I wanted to kill myself. The depression that I felt was so deep that I saw no other option except to end my life.

I was taking a bath and I wondered how it would feel like if I just drowned myself.

Would it hurt?

Would I be able to consciously remain submerged in water until my lungs burst?Of course it would be difficult since I would have to keep my head inside a pail of water that was no more than a few liters full?

Then I thought of slashing my wrists but I remembered that I've always cringed at the sight of blood.

So, suffice it to say that I did neither for I wouldn't be writing this nonsense now had I succeeded last night.

So now, my depression is complete for I had just realized that I would not be able to end my own life. I'm just too squeamish and too much of a coward.

Perhaps it would be better if I found an accomplice in ending my worthless existence.

Someone who would be brave enough to push me in the middle of the South Luzon Expressway (not during rush hour, of course, since the cars hardly move at this time of day), or callous enough to put arsenic in my morning coffee or crazy enough to hack me to death while I slept.

The possibilities are endless, actually. I just have to find the right person to do it.

Hiring an experienced killer is out of the question, though.

I don't think they're cheap enough to accept a hundred bucks as payment for such a dastardly act (that's all I'm willing to shell out for my demise, a little more than that would be too much for a worthless creature such as myself, better donate the money to charity!)

Perhaps I should just hang out in the more seedy neighborhoods of Metro Manila and hope for the worst.

Who knows, I just might get lucky enough to get caught in the middle of a cross-fire during a robbery or even a gang war.

But then, knowing how stupid I can be, I would probably run and hide at the first sound of gunfire, forgetting that I went there to get shot at in the first place! lol!

So, let's scratch that one out for now.

Besides, I'm never lucky enough for anything of that sort to happen to me.

The gang war or robbery would probably take place a few minutes after I leave.

I do have a knack for avoiding spectacular events, you know.

And so, my search for a way to end my life continues.

I think I'll just think about it tomorrow. I'd have to be more imaginative than this!

God! Why can't I just get hit by lightning or ran over by a speeding train?

Nah! That's too painful for my taste! After all, I'm trying to get killed not tortured to death!