Category : Diary/Journal
Sub Category : N/A
April 12, 2019
Today I woke up thinking it was just a regular day visiting my parents on my day off from work and spending the day with my family but something different happened today. my sister gave me one of her ADHD pills and instantly made me feel different. As an optimistic person I believe anything can make a change. So obviously me, I think, as soon as you swallow a pill a headache willow away but knowing that your sister has ADHD and accepting a pill from her knowing its for that makes everything different. Making me wait for a change to happen as soon as I take it. So knowing the pills are for focusing and stabilizing your mood, I know what to expect when taken. The change happens. I went home that day took that pill and immediately started washing dishes as soon as I started the dishes and finished the dishes I felt like looking for more so that the dishes could be done before for my list of the day and the dishes be off my chest since they had been sitting there for days. Why? Because I didn't have the energy for it. While washing dishes my fiances friend and brother stoped by to help him fix something involving our only transportation vehicle. His friend is someone that I abosuletly didn't stand I didn't want to ever interact with him or have anything going to do with him but this night of 4/12 I felt something had to change and I decided to better myself in the way of being a better person towards someone else. My fiances friend is someone he confides in, someone he trusts when he needs something and that being said than my fiances friend should be someone I automatically trust as well because if he's a good person to the person you trust for the rest of your life to be with then he'll be a good person to the person he's friends with. That's enough of my relationship side onto my family side.
My family means everything to me that why I do the things I do and act the way i act for the person im with because I want everything to be perfect and more than what I expect. Because that's How i was raised. I got home, and was about to start to start washing dishes when I remembered I had that pill prescribed to a person with ADHD and not only does that person have ADHD but that person is my sister and I love my sister because she's my only sister and because she looks up to me. when she left for a week and would receive calls from her from bakersfield from a mental hospital my mentality did change because at that moment I realized that could be me if I had kids. And thats not impossible because some point In life I will have kids not just one but maybe up to 4 kids and each child is going to be treated differently . If I think that way than I cant even imagine the way my mother thinks about raising her children. Ok back to the point after my sister gave me that pill all I could think of was getting home and taking that mood stabilizer pill just to see how it would affect me knowing how it affects my baby sister I took the pill and honestly no b . s I feel instantly different I actually wanted go clean and do something for my home so that I could live comfortably and not have my fiance thinking that I can't do shit and thinking that I'm a lazy ass because I was raised in a way of making sure my man was taken care of but at the same time knowing that I don't need to depend on man because this is a beautiful world and you have more than enough help to guide you. I was washing dishes thinking my father in law was there helping my fiance I was about to go outside and interact with him when all of a suden I see his friend and brother there helping him change his brakes. I asked where his dad was and he said the brake change was taking too long and that he had left. I said OK and continued I spoke with his friend and OK I went inside for a water bottle and handed it to him I returned inside and got something related to weed because at the time I felt that was all we could bond about. So that was the end of that it was time to lay down and hit the hay when I I was laid down messaging my sister before 2:55am.
Its april 13, 2019 its my first sisters bday she's turning 17 and I will always remeber this day because this day changed everything I suggested she go back on her pill schedule and she said really I proceeded on telling her why I thought she should. I continued as her sister telling her happy birthday and that I love her. I told her that what I was about to say was important because other than being her older sister I'm not her mother a lesson on proceeded on telling her how she should work on herself first and work on being a better daughter to her parents so that they can compensate her greatly in many ways just like they did for me. Because the younger child will always look up to the older child. That's why the younger child thinks they aren't meant to be in that family and that everything will be better without her but honestly everything has a fix to make the solution better. I lived my live since 15 years old thinking that nothing was going to change and that's why I left at my 17 years of age things did get better but i also realized that parents forgive their children because they really do care about you and want the best for their child. No matter how many times you mess up with your parents you will always be forgiven. My sister was one of those people that thinks her parents are against her and want be strict with her or just simply be mean to them but in reality all they're trying to do is help them become a better person for when they are on their own.