Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

  Today I used the Calm app for the first time. I first used the breathing techniques and then I used the meditation. During the meditation I felt so calm. It felt like nothing in the world mattered; like all of my problems disappeared. I was laying down on the rug inside of my room, you know those big fluffy ones, and I closed my eyes. So the recorded woman's voice started talking. I don't know if I was supposed to imagine somewhere, someplace, or something. But I did. I imagined myself laying down on a hill far away. No sign of civilization anywhere. I was surrounded by the beauty of nature. Hills rolled into the distance and I couldn't see where they ended. There were few trees and there were flowers mainly sunflowers blooming at the bottom of each hill. They were about maybe 6 feet high so you could hide in them maybe never to be found. The sun was rising. It was so beautiful how the sky could change colors and look like a painting. I imagined my feet and arms relaxed in the grass on that Hill. I stayed there for as long as a meditation video lasted. But when it ended I opened my eyes and I was still in my room. How I longed to escape go somewhere new. Travel the world see all the sights. I wanted to be there with all my heart. It was so peaceful I was so happy.
  You know I'm only a young teen. I fantasize about the day when I'm 16 getting a brand new car, being able to go anywhere I want. Even if it just meant going to my favorite ice cream shop and getting a milkshake. I want that freedom. I imagine soaring down a country road in a convertible with my best friend sitting by my side, the wind blowing through our hair, and the sun against our faces. I imagine her taking the wheel and me putting my arms up feeling like i could fly. But I know that I can't live in the future. This is the present. And I will live every moment of my life to the fullest. But how I long to have that freedom of escape years from now.