Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

I constantly ask myself the question, ‘’who am I?’’ either out loud or in my head. It’s been many years and I still have no answer to reply back to myself with; only silence to offer.

I ask myself ‘’what am I living for?’’ and the only answer I can come up with is ‘’for my family.’’ I’m not really doing anything to elevate myself, so I don’t really feel like I’m living for me.

I feel as though it’s selfish of me to want to live a life of my own (or at least that’s how I’m made to feel), but I know that’s not true at all.

And it’s also the fact that I self-sabotage myself when I begin to get closer to accomplishing my goals and living the life I want to live. I begin to feel like, ‘’maybe this isn’t what I really want,’’ ‘’what if it’s too hard for me to do?’’ and what if I can’t do it?’’ 

It’s ridiculous because I know that no one knows what they’re doing in life 100% of the time and the best thing for us all to do is to challenge ourselves, believe in ourselves, have loved ones support us and at least make an effort to try.

It’s like I know all of this knowledge that’ll help me to uplift myself, but I just don’t apply it to my life and I just continue to stay in this cycle of saying, ‘’it is what it is. Oh well. Maybe next time.’’

Honestly, I just need to figure out who I am; aside from my family and my everyday home life. I need to know who I am as an individual and from then on, I think I’ll do just fine.

When I was a kid, I planned it all out; from what I’d do after high school, what college I’d possibly attend, where I’d travel to, when I’d possibly get married and start a family, to what career I would pursue. But now that I’m an adult, I’m realizing that yes, the universe will work with you to give you the life you desire, but isn’t completely predictable, so planning out my life from A to Z isn’t quite that simple to do.

I just have to take a break from everyday life and figure out who it is that I am. I don’t think I’ve ever truly done this before, so that could be the reason why I feel as though I’ve reached a dead end.

I’ve got a dream, but I’m not doing anything with it. I know that it’s possible to make this dream come to life, but I’ve gotta put in a lot of work to make this dream of mine become something more than just a vision.

To be continued...