To 19 Years Between Us Read Count : 3

Category : Poems

Sub Category : N/A

The real truth I didn't want to admit?

I'd have done anything for you.

You could cut my throat,

And watch my blood drip,

Down my neck, and between my tits.

I'd absolve you as I breathed

Your name once more.



I wanted to say I loved myself first 

Because I'm supposed to.

I'm not supposed to be at your mercy.

I'm not supposed to see you 

Much less desire 

To do anything you please.



My submission was never intended

For anything more

Than a cock shoved down my throat.

And a cum coated esophagus. 



And I suppose the fact that I do,

Love you so uncontrollably,

Makes me unworthy of your love.



Funny how in trying so hard to seduce,

I drove you away.

I tired myself out,

Running in full plate armor,

Trying to be anything but me.

Letting you think

I'm just some little slut.

But you always saw more.

And maybe that's why I love you.



The truth is, I'd rather watch you

With a million other women 

Than to live one second without you.

Sign me up

For the role of best-friend, 

Confidante.

The shadow behind you.



I'm a simple girl, Daddy.

I dont want a nice house or material things. 

I don't care about the whole of society.

My strife would end now.

If only I could have

My books, 

My journals, 

And you.



Come meet my parents.

My sisters know all about you.

My dad asks if I'm dating

That 40 something year old

And I bite back tears

Insisting we're friends.

As if telling one Daddy will bring back

The Daddy I always needed.



No one else reminds me to eat.

Takes care of my car problems.

Holds me like you.



I never imagined domesticity.

But I fantasize about vacuuming 

While I wait for you to come home.

I didn't want to be a mother until I met you.

But can't you see ours?



I'd stop every drug.

I'd do it with you, 

For you.



I want to be your home.

More than I've ever desired a thing.

More than I wanted anything, ever.

More than I still crave heroin

Or than the crescent shapes

Carved into my forearm.

When I dig my fingernails

Into my tender skin

So I dont cry

Hearing about your ex-wife.



It's not that you would heal my wounds.

It's only that you give me the motivation.

I've never feared prison or death.

Mom's threats never availed.

But losing you has me in terror.

Staring at a cosmic abyss,

Devoid of stars,

And color,

And the fucking magic

I'm so accustomed to you providing.



I must face

There's no remedy

To which I might race.

No bottle,

No pipe,

Will fix this hole you've left.

Transporting my soul

Into the Aether.

Doomed to float indefinitely. 



I cannot terminate myself.

For fear you may be swayed.



You are my night sky.

You fill me up with love -

More than just that

Sweet nectar.

And hope and light.



Without you,

Everything goes dark.



Would that the pain

Even could last forever.



No this numbness,



Is the worst fate.



I won't die.



I'll just be.











Hoping one day























You'll want me.

Comments

  • Awe I know that if you were my significant other I'd surprise you with a dozen of roses and your favorite chocolate along with a big surprise of my own!!

    Mar 25, 2019

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