Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I stopped smiling everyday to once every two days to never. I used tonlaugh everyday but not I'm an empty vessel. To be honest I could care less, I want to be happy but not anymore.

I want to die. I try my hardest to keep people happy and keep my grades up but I just can't anymore. I look around and everyone has changed. Everyone is now drinking and smoking and fucking each other. Having sex. Everyone is happy that they have drugs with them. I promised I won't do them, and I won't, but that's not even the case anymore.

Did you know, scientifically proven, that people who give the best advice are usually the ones that have had their heart broken over and over. The ones who helps people and put them first before their own mental state are the ones who are broken on the inside.

I want to kill myself that's how it is. I want to escape this world of trap rap, method, drugs, sex in highschool, judging people cause their black, white, Muslim, Jewish, Indian and what not.

I fake a smile to fake them out. I cry when I'm alone. I try my best to be my best, but my best isn't my best to others cause their definition of best is different.

I was bullied through out elementary. I became a bully in sixth grade middle school. I made and had friends from seventh to eight grade. Nineth grade killed me, now tenth grade is getting ready for my funeral.

Yes, I want to fucking kill myself but I don't know how to do it. Get stabbed in the chest? Get hit by a car and be lucky, jump off a building high enough, get shot? I don't want to do anything anymore. I'm tired of keeping it all inside. I want someone to talk to but it's a reflex to them I'm okay, which I'm not. I want to kill myself.

I'm trying best to upload on here, but school is pissong me off. And my mental state is not at it's best. I put people who I care about first. I put this before me, cause I love to write, and I want to give the people here something to enjoy when they're bored. I do this for everyone here, family.