Category : Diary/Journal
Sub Category : N/A
Is an artist destined to live a life of self deprivation, doubt and frustration, all culminating together into sorrow? Everytime I believe I am in a good mental space, life reminds me that I am as depressive as I always was.
Yesterday, I spent most of my time trying to convince myself to stay strong and keep on keeping on, in terms of my writing career. Three books into my career, I do not see a reason to continue. I'm not rich nor is my name recognizable than anybody else in this world. Type my name into Google and you will see several Kendrick Lamar or Shaquille O Neal articles. Maybe on the 15th page you will see something related to me. Now, not to equate wealth and recognization to success, because I never expected either. I began my writing career as a mean of letting go of all the toxicity in my life. And I did just that. However, I am starting to feel like writing is causing me more harm than good.
Maybe writing is not meant for me as I liked to think. Maybe I am wrong. To be honest, I do not know. I may never know.
After an entire day of sorrow, barely able to hold back tears, I decided to call it quits for a little while until I figure something out-until I have a conversation with myself. For the first time since I was 14 years old, my vision and purpose is not as clear. I need to reevaluate life.
This is my goodbye, but not forever. I will be back at some point, I just do not know when. I need to work on myself as a person and artist.
Comments
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Arie Thomas
lamar don't be discouage by the COMMENT and less support of the community. your writing is reflect your voice. You write for you on here and you celebrated it. an artist best friend is himself and god. we don't write book for profit we write to inform ppl our lives. if those choose not review and buy, so be it .
Mar 14, 2019
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Zee Zulu
Lamar, I understand completely how you feel and your need to 'dig deep'. I also know that this was not an easy decision for you to make, to call it quits, to abandon your passion and let go of your dreams. As hard as it was, you felt it was something you needed to do at this time in your life. I understand that. That artist in you is always going to be there. That passion in you is always going to burn bright. It is who you are. As much as i hate to see you leave, I respect your decision. You need to do what you feel is right for YOU. Go find the answers you are looking for and go with a clear conscience. When you feel the time is right, know that you are always welcomed here. You are one of us. I wish you all the best and i pray you'll find your inner peace. God bless.
Mar 14, 2019
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