Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Jilted, dropped, abandoned, tossed aside.... these are situations that can cause serious emotional breakdown especially when you don't know what you did wrong to be treated that way. You'd try to reach out to the person who ghosted you to find out why they did what they did but they chose to ignore you. So you're left on your own to 'figure things out'. This can really mess up your brain because you don't have the closure you so desperately need to move on with your life. But the truth about the closure that you didn't get is that you actually got it because no closure is somehow closure. 

Nobody in their right mind would fall for someone thinking about how things will end. We always hope for things to bloom and blossom but if things were to come to an end, we always hope that the ending will be clear and painless. 

But some people choose to end things without closure. They could completely ghost you and abandon you or they could come up with some lame excuse about their sudden change of behaviour. Things like "it's not you, it's me" is supposed to be a good enough excuse or reason for you to accept the shift in things. But what it does is, it would only confuse you even more. You long to have that one moment to have that real heart to heart conversation just so you can understand what went wrong but you are denied that opportunity. You are kept in the dark and for you it will always feel like an unfinished business simply because you did not get the closure that you need. 

I know this because I have been through this. And because I don't know for sure why I was being tossed aside by a man I was married to for 20 years, I began to think of various versions of the possible 'excuses' he would have given me if he had the balls to face up to me. One possible excuse would probably sound like this... "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to face you and tell you why I don't want to be with you anymore. I realized that my feelings have changed along the way and I didn't want to hurt you by telling you that I am not the person you thought I was."... if that is really his excuse, I would have accepted that gracefully. 

But he didn't have the balls to face me and say things to my face. The truth about the closure I didn't get was that it was a choice. He chose to ignore my questions, disregard my feelings and insult my intelligence. He chose not to send that text or give me that final call or face me and tell me why he feels like bolting. He just bolted without a word. 

My conclusion of his insensitive actions is simple - he doesn't care enough about me to talk to me like I matter, he doesn't care about how he looks in my eyes, and he sure as hell doesn't give a shit about how I feel. He chose to be selfish; to take without giving back. 

Well, he may have felt good about stringing me along for many, many years, knowing that I won't be able to move on with my life while on paper I'm still legally married to him. But he forgot that I too, have a choice. And I chose to end this shit for good so that I can reclaim my life. I will not be picking up any pieces lying around because there are no pieces for me to pick. I am walking out of this not as a broken soul but as a woman who is whole. We have come to the end of the line and there is nowhere else to go. So, I am closing that book. No baggage to debate, just a clean, shiny slate on my plate.