Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult

I shuffle my feet forward, the top half of my muddy Coverses, you no the shiny bit, hang over the edge of the cliff. One more step or shuffle I will topple down the eroding rock to my death. Just like that one toe twitch and its over. As I stand statue still I feel my heart beat go into a slow motion effect every beat sounding like “she’s gonna go... she’s gonna go ...” and maybe I should, maybe I should put all the real nightmares that keep me up most nights to rest. The adrenaline injecting in my veins like a drug and just as I prepare to move forward yet another step I’m interrupted by the sound of footsteps.

I look behind me, yet not a body in sight.i then hear a faint voice “I’m up here”. I rapidly look up to the sky and with nothing but clouds in the sky I question if I already died. “It’s you I’m you in your head your conious, I am your most deep and honest thoughts”. I make a puzzled face. “So this is it then we are going to end everything?”. Yes I replied, yes we are.” Wow and to think we could be more creative I mean cliff jumping... pathetic”. I merely said that death was death and there is no ‘fun’ in doing it. 

“Believe me you don’t want DIED BY JUMPING  on your gravestone, if your hurting the way you say you are then kill your self in a painful way I want you to cut of your limbs one by one until you bleed out slowly.” I was horrified, why do my thoughts mock me and act so vulgar. It’s completely insensitive. “Or why don’t you skin yourself alive and then set yourself on fire.” I asked why my conscious why she was acting this way. “Do you not like the sound of death?” No I replied immediately. “But you came here to kill yourself did you not ?” Yes I did because I’ve had enough I can’t cope with anything. “Then if you feel so strongly about this why have you moved away from the edge?”. I paused. I didn’t notice my movement I had remained so still. “ you moved when I gave you other options on how to die because you got scared hearing it, you don’t want to die you just want to get away for a bit.” It was true I didn’t want to leave permanently just for a moment I just want to feel dead for a moment. 

“Put your feet over the edge again “. Why ? I questioned. “ it gives you the rush you crave let yourself feel that adrenaline again let your mind feel like it’s going to end it and just as you get the urge to move forward jump backwards.” So I did just that . It worked that quick snap back in reality once my bum had hit the dirt I realised that that moment was revolutionary. It felt like I had control and power and the only sound was my heart beating. Despite this effect on me as my feet dangle it feels a lot better collecting myself back and not falling because it’s good to feel like your allowing yourself to have what you want but then understanding that the first need is not the right solution. You don’t want to fall, you want to feel and that’s okay.