Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

The sun shines across the world with it's radiant and majestic glow. The rain often pours onto the sacred grounds of mother Earth from the clouds. Yet sometimes I wonder, does it take effort? I mean, effort is both the angel and devil in my situation and I cannot distinguish between them. So I try. Why? I don't know. At this point it's just a reflex I have to endure. I hate it! Yet, tying not to try is too difficult to do. I try to help people and receive minimal respect. I try to work hard and I'm always disappointed. So why try? What for? Who for? Me? No. If I tried for the sake of myself, why would I try not to try? Effort is just an obstacle I have to face - it is the hurdles I leap over and when I stumble it takes effort to get back up again...So, what am I doing? 

Trying shows tenacity. However, why am I not tenacious? Why is it that I can't stop trying? Am I concealing inner disappointment in myself? I think so. For if I wasn't disappointed, why would I be such a try-hard? In my work. In my grades. In my friendships. In my typical conversations with others. Why are goals my enemy? Well, I know I can't give up. However, I have a New Year's Resolution- I will try not to try...