Beginners Guide: How To Kill A Boyfriend PT 1 Read Count : 5

Category : Stories

Sub Category : YoungAdult
Some will say love is their everything,some would say love is their muse, you know what some even grab bravery by its balls and say they’d die for love. Bullshit. The only people who die for love are paid actors like Ryan Gosling or Leonardo DiCaprio, who only do it because it’s in the script of a thirteen year olds favourite romance movie. However, in reality people are selfish and to be honest go around and get boyfriends/ girlfriends that do not deserve them. This story is about my sister.

Growing up I realised that my sister is a total mess that is so confused of her true self, I would witness her at a young age of 8 cause nightmares for my Mum , she was hard work. She was the type of kid that would purposely repeat things she shouldn’t repeat, remember that time Mum when you said you hated that denim jacket Aunt Lisa brought her? Well you best believe my sister made our Mums opinion very clear the following week at dinner. Awkward was an understatement. My sister would be THAT kid in your class that would show up so late that her first lesson would be lunch, the kid that swore in every sentence, got detention everyday, would be your entertainment in maths because she would argue with the teacher and get some scared, low-lifed nerd to do her homework.PS.. I was the scared, low-lifed nerd ( I was also three years old).

The deal with me sister when she was growing up was that she couldn’t decide wether she wanted to be the badass kid or the smart kid, and as a child you can’t be both you have to fit in to a category otherwise people can’t properly make stories about you. I mean read the previous paragraph it would sound odd if I said she was a kind, loving student to her peers and teachers.. oh and she would also get detention everyday. Logics people. Confused is the right word to describe her attitude as a kid. 

Skipping to the teenage years around 15 my sister started getting involved with sex and boyfriends and I mean this in a non-judgemental way but there was a few. If your counting all of Taylor Swifts songs as a few. Nevertheless, I was at an age where I understood teenage things and I met a ‘few’ of her boyfriends and I had my personal opinions on them straight away, but my brain is so creatively advanced I could make up an entire portfolio on them. It was easy. You start with the basics:

Target 1 name: Josh
Hair colour: dirty blonde
Height: about 5,9
Dress sense: dark,average 
Obvious personality traits: flirty, cheeky, kind of smart, dry humour

Then from there you can put together his story: Josh was a type of guy that knew what pickup lines would make my sister twiddle her fingers in her hair and blush, his uneven teeth got ignored under the outstanding white colour of them. Josh had a smart brain, a clear career path, a brain to keep my sister on a narrow track to say the least. However, given Josh’s straight forward business plan he probably would of seen my distracting sister as an issue and binned her off after they finished high school. Good thing my sister didn’t have high hopes for a long lasting future anyway and I think Josh’s smarts scared her, scared her so much she went and kissed Ryan a couple days after our encounter.


  • Jan 17, 2019

  • Jan 19, 2019

  • Jan 21, 2019

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