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Jan 16, 2019 | Rating : | Written by Luna MiaBella

The Scarry Suprise Read Count : 79

Category : Stories

Sub Category : Thriller

Hi everyone this is Luna the creatior of this can U please check out all of the cool thing I put on here thanks let's get on with the writing!

It's was cold and dark everyone was asleep the house was quite.

The door handle started turning To go into the house. A tall man in a robe walked in With a nife he walked up the stairs and woke up the little girl.

The girl was about to screem when the person picked her up he covered her mouth and took her down stairs. All of usuden the lights came on!

Happy birthday everyone shouted! It's was her birthday everyone was so happy! So the party whent on. The nife was used to cut the cake and the girl was more happy then ever before.

The end

Comments

The grammar used in the writing is diabolical, and the words used in the text that makes it "scary" is horrible. Seems like a 3rd grader wrote this. I don't expect a Stephen King or Edgar Allan Poe, but I expect better than this.

Jan 17, 2019
Needs a little bit of work. Check your grammar and punctuation. Also, work on the tone. Other than that it's good. Keep at it. You'll get better.

Jan 17, 2019