Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Hello,
I'm not exactly sure what I am writing or to whom I am writing, just felt compelled to write something to somebody. 
Looking at that line, it seems silly yet, as I proceed, it doesn't feel silly to me, it feels necessary.  I need to write this... I MUST.
The actual reason - though I am loathe to admit it - is not exactly mired in mystery. It doesn't require some grand revelation to be clear. Really, its simple : I am lonely.  Is that all? Seriously?  Well, honestly, no. "Lonely" doesn't even begin to describe what I am feeling. For me to refer to myself as lonely is tantamount to residents of Fukushima, Japan referring to March 11, 2011 as "a little bit windy".
Truthfully, I feel so thoroughly disconnected from other people I sometimes find myself questioning  whether I am actually here at all. Of course, suspension of disbelief being a temporary delight, I am painfully aware that I am, in fact, here. 
That is part of my problem... Not only am I here at present but I  am also very rarely here alone... it seems that no matter the hour, no matter the place or the circumstance, I am almost assured ly amoung other people. I interact with them, work with them, socialize with them, hell you could go as far as to say I have healthy, mutually agreeable relationships with numerous people, perfectly ordinary aquaintences, even significant friendships.
Yet, at any given time, I am so completely unfullfilled, so underappreciated, so underwhelmed, so starved for meaningful connection that I have begun to feel like I am drowning, being yanked down by a violent current, thrashing, wretching, mg attempts to call for help muzzled by the open fisted slap of another gallon of water across the mouth.  When I have the presence of mind, I convince myself to remain still and  try to be calm, remembering the theory about quicksand - that struggling makes you sink faster- and hoping it might apply.
And, who knows, maybe it does.
So, what is it that is the cause of all this distress? What has led me to feel as I do?
Well, that is another topic for another letter. And I hope, as I do now, that my letters find a reader and finds them well.
And, if you happen to be reading this letter, I offer my very cordial greetings and my sincerest regards. 
And I leave you, finally, with my extreme gratitude, these last few minutes I have felt nearly normal and, for that, I thank you.
Sincerely,
Your friend, 
Brennan.