Category : Diary/Journal
Sub Category : N/A
I am contacting you to express my deepest apologies. Whatever I did or said to hurt you, I apologize for it. I never intended things to go the way they did. I apologize for playing along but I don't regret it. I apologize for allowing you to treat and disrespect me the way you did but it made me realize that I deserve to be treated better. I am accountable for my choices and take full responsibility for how I came across and for my actions. Though that's not how I really am.
You warned me of the reality of the relationship we had. If I can call it that way. Yet I didn't listen beacause there was something that attracted me to you. I don't know exactly what but I was attracted to you. Maybe your bad boy persona? Maybe it was the need for love and attention... I don't know. All I know is that I enjoyed every moment we had. Good and bad. I don't hold any grudges and I don't resent you. On the contrary, I love you and I deeply care about you. I don't wish any ill towards you. I just tend to love hard without realizing it. I tend to go all in which is my weakness because people tend to take advantage of it. Sorry.
Though some parts were a bit painful, I learned a lot from this experience. I learned that [how I mentioned before] I deserve to be treated better. I deserve to be loved unconditionally and cared for. I deserve the kind of love that will be patient, compassionate, and tolerant to who I am as I learn and grow each day. Something that man unfortunately can't do because they don't know this kind of love. This love can only be given by one, our creator. God the father, the son , and the holy spirit.
That's why I don't blame you for anything. I only blame myself. I know you don't know God. You don't know and haven't experienced his love. I was suppose to do this right from the beginning but instead I gave into my sinful desires. Therefore, I want to give you the opportunity to meet him. To experience his unconditional love that he offers us all. Whether you believe or not, it is your choice if you accept his gift of love. All I ask is for you to be open minded about this and allow God to show you. He wants to show you. Please open your heart to him and allow him to open your eyes. I love you now and always. May God bless, help, and guide you. Take care my darling.