Category : Stories

Sub Category : Suspense/Mystery

I was like most women I wanted to be a mother ! Nobody has ever talked about what could go wrong. I wish I was more educated on it. As there mother I will always feel like it's my fault. I could not save my babies. My most pride and joy my babies. Here is our story because my babies lives matter.

I went years thinking I could not have a baby and when I did finally get pregnant I was so excited! I found out in the ER that I was pregnant and I was beyond excited. I was finally becoming a mom !! From that day on I changed everything ! But I still didn't believe it so I went to Rachel's house , they helped women with many things. Rachel's house they were so good to me , I appreciate them. On my first ultrasound I found out and seen with my eyes two babies just sitting in my belly. ! I was happy and scared at the same time , but I was so lucky ! 

Everything was fine and going great , I started getting baby clothes, diapers ,wipes and etc. I got on Wic and started parenting classes which was great ! At my first prenatal appointment I had issue with my insurance . So I went through my whole pregnancy without seeing a doctor. I knew something was wrong 😥. I went to a total of 3 hospitals and one clinic. The first time I knew something was wrong is when a rush of bloody water came out while I was sitting on the toilet at my moms house. The hospital said everything was fine and the babies still had strong heartbeats. . From that day on I was bleeding and cramping in pain. But my babies heartbeats were still good and strong. So I told myself if I gotta be in pain for them to be okay , then I was fine with that . Little did I know I was losing my babies.  A week later I lost my job and was at home in pain all day. I blame myself because I should of went earlier , but I didn't. I waited until I couldn't take the pain anymore. I drove myself to the hospital.. Little did I know I was in labor and my contractions were 5 mins apart. I arrived at the hospital bearly able to stand. Minutes went by as I sat in the ER waiting to be seen. I finally got into a room and was seen by a doctor. I told him all the pain I was going through. All the doctor did was checked my heart and lungs , and said he was going to run some test. About 7 mins later I felt something coming out of me. I still had my underwear on and reached down there and felt my baby. I pressed the call light many times and nobody came. I screamed out for anybody and people came rushing in. They started telling me how sorry they were "Sorry for your loss" At that time my baby boy Noah didn't have a heart beat. On March 14 2017 at 11:30pm. I was so upset and was in and out from losing so much blood. But this mommy still had hope for my other baby💗

I got up to labor and delivery and was told I was losing to much blood. The doctors told me that they couldn't save Rosa and that I had to deliver her. Rosa still had a strong heartbeat and wasn't ready to come out 😪😪 I was in labor for about 30-45mins and finally delivered Rosa at 1:01am on March 15th 2017. They put her on my chest and she had her hand behind her head comfortable. My baby girl was not ready to come out. My baby girl fought 30 mins on my chest. I was so num and disappointed in myself. I couldn't cry .. I lost both of my babies.. I couldn't save them.  But I'm thankful for my mom for being in the delivery room with me. 

My body went into shock and I had to worry about saving myself.. At the time I didn't want to be saved. But I fought through it for my mom and my kids. I was so heartbroken , I had failed as a mother. The next morning I had to get a blood transfusion.. Two bags of blood and got told in the middle of tranfusion that they could discard one of my babies body , because he wasn't born alive. 

So I started planning my babies funeral in the hospital bed. I'm such a bad mother I thought. The thoughts of burrying my kids , made me sick. The more and more I thought about it. I couldn't do it. I slept with my babies every night at the hospital... But I would never hear them cry or even say mommy 😪😪 . I decided to get them creameted and came out with there names all in one day. 

I wanted to kill myself , I was upset with myself and my body. How could I let this happen. Why did none of the doctors believe me , I lost Noah and Rosa at 18 weeks. After I got out the hospital I felt so alone. I still had all my babies stuff and was in pain. My body was swallowen up and my bobbies were leaking milk. A few days later I went to the funreal home. That's the last place I wanted to be , but I had to do for my babies. I got things done for them. Nobody knew my pain , I was hurting so bad. I wish things happend differently. There are no words that could ever take my pain away.. I keep my babies close to me. I know they are looking down at me saying "There goes my mom" Rest in peace mommy's angel.babies. 

A few months went by and I got pregnant again with Sweet Pea Caudill , I found out at about 8 weeks and lost the baby around 12 weeks on September 11th 2017. I failed again , and I won't put another one of my babies through that. My heart is broken.  I live everyday for my babies 💗 I'm thankful for everything I been through.. Missing my angel babies