Beautiful Mess Read Count : 117

Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Some days, I wake up and everything feels calm. My vision is clear, the world is mine. I could dance upon the ashes of my past and feel my body ache with an overwhelming feeling of joy. Other days, I have a hard time twisting my scars into lessons, my bed seems like the safest place on this whole entire planet, and the sky seems riddled with clouds that seem to mirror my mistakes. 


There are days where my bones feel heavy under the weight of all the love I hold within myself, and really, it is a good thing. I am thankful for my ability to feel, for my ability to give another human being a love that is flourishing and alive underneath my skin. Then there are days where I feel like I have nothing left within me to give, days that remind me of how much I had lost,  how my affection was never properly reciprocated. These are the days where I wonder if I love too deeply, days where I wonder if I care too openly. 


On either of these days I find it important to remind myself that I cannot control the randomness of life, or any of its fickle flashes. It's important for me to keep reminding myself that I have no such power. 


Some mornings, I wake up to a sapphire sky and I breathe and I cry. On other mornings, I rejoice and I laugh with all of the vigor in my body. There are moments in life that propel me forward, and there are moments that grab me by the ankles and drag me ten steps in the opposite direction. 


Love, I found out through life, builds the most exquisite house made of glass and paper just to be blown down; making me grow and tearing me apart in the process. On most days it won't make sense, and that is the point, life is a mess and it's not supposed to make sense. Everything about life is like a giant hurricane that I can never truly comprehend, or be able to fully contain, but that is what makes it so stunning and perfect - it's all a mess; the hair, the bed, the words, the heart. 


Life; it is all a mess, but I cannot deny its magic. I cannot deny that it is frustrating and stunning, empty and full at the same time. I cannot deny the opportunities to feel and grow and to soak in the sun all day if I truly wanted to. I just need to keep reminding myself that life is never going to slow down, never going to simplify, and it is something I have come to terms with because if I were to search for routine, the monotony will kill me before anything else does. 


And so, I choose to embrace the entropy in life. I was bred from storms, created from white hot heat and from atoms that will never stop vibrating and shaking within me. So, I will not vilify my heart when it quakes, or condemn my life when it surges and when it falls, instead I will embrace its pulse and the randomness of it all, and I will embrace its disorder. 


Life, in my opinion, is indeed a mess, but it's a damn beautiful one. 

Comments

  • Nov 27, 2018

  • Nov 27, 2018

  • Nov 27, 2018

  • Michael Mbogo

    Michael Mbogo

    Wow

    Nov 30, 2018

  • Maurice  Beres

    Maurice Beres

    We can only control what we can control For everything else we fall back on our knowledge-experiences-defense mechanisms and instincts We can do no better That seems to me-is precisely what you are doing-β€œit don’t come easy β€œ πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹πŸ¦‹

    Dec 05, 2018

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