Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Differing from my current written pieces, this one will not rhyme. I had plans to make this into a poem originally, but the topic is a rather serious one for me & I don’t want to focus so much on rhyming my words but expressing myself completely (even if I begin to ramble on & not make much sense). 

I’m not the beauty standard that the majority of people in America (or the world as a whole) desires a human being to be or better yet, a human being of African descent. I’m an African American young adult woman who has the skin color that’s been looked down upon since...I don’t know when to be honest. I have the skin complexion of an African American woman that’s belittled and sometimes ignored in the world of Hip-Hop music & Hollywood. I have the skin complexion of an African American woman who some black men label as ‘’too dark,’’ & often gets called ‘’masculine’’ for my features & stereotypes that follow me around like my shadow. I have the skin complexion of an African American woman who might choose to bleach her skin just to be loved & heard; loved by & heard from hateful closed minded people who only know what ‘’beautiful’’ is from what they’ve been told to believe. I see this a lot. I have the skin complexion of an African American woman who grew up somewhat insecure & shed many tears because she was truly starting to believe that she wasn’t beautiful & that she wasn’t lovable because she allowed the way this world is set up to alter her way of thinking. I have the skin complexion of an African American girl who, as I’ve gotten older, decided to shut off the noise of the rest of the world & listen only to herself to discover the truth. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more knowledgeable about the world we live in & how it works. I realised that by listening to what this world has conditioned others to believe & adopting these thinking patterns myself, I was only mindlessly following along to a hateful trend. For me, I see it as self hatred. A lighter skin tone person of African descent is seen as ‘’pretty’’ and in the case of women, ‘’feminine.’’ It was only when I asked myself why this was thought of to be true that I began to understand that it’s the closest thing to being ‘’white’’ aside from being biracial. It’s no secret that the American beauty standard (or maybe the standard set for beauty all around the world) is a ‘’white’’ or Caucasian woman. If you come close to this ‘’default beauty standard,’’ as a black woman, it’s like the world has saved you a seat at the table of ‘’the ones who matter.’’ It’s hard for me to go so deeply into this subject because it doesn’t make much sense to me & I’m certain it never will. No one chose what color skin they wanted to have in life. No one chose to be born, for that matter. It’s weird to me how skin color is even an issue in life. For me, beauty goes far & beyond what the eyes capture. I never had a problem with my skin complexion. I never paid it much mind. I just thought I was beautiful because I was...well, me. I felt & still feel comfortable in my skin because it’s my skin. I only began to doubt myself when I allowed others try to define my existence for me. Going into this, I feared sharing it with others because I didn’t want to be called, ‘’jealous of light skin black women,’’ told to ‘’get over it,’’ told that I was just an ‘’insecure, bitter & ‘’unattractive’’ darker toned black woman or told that I was just looking for attention, sympathy or people to invite to my pity party. That seems to be the case a lot when a woman of my complexion speaks out on this topic (or at least from what I’ve seen). I love all people of all shades, shapes, sizes & whatever. I love & respect darker skin toned black women & men, lighter skin toned black women & men. I love all people from all ethnicities who love & respect me. I don’t have a problem or vendetta against anyone because of the way they physically look in my eyes. That’s ridiculous in my opinion. I understand people have ‘’preferences’’ for themselves & others, but sometimes I think it’s best to figure out why you have those particular preferences & discover where they originated from. I’m not begging to be liked, accepted or for my complexion to be seen as ‘’the chosen one,’’ or the desirable one. I’m only sharing this because I love to write & express myself through my writing. It’s my art. It’s one of the most beautiful things about art; you can spill yourself into, lose yourself in & find yourself in it all at once. Like all of my other written works, I like to get deep & celebrate life in art. It inspires my way of living. I touch on topics that are important to me & I don’t care what other people say about it. It took me some time to become brave enough to truly share my thoughts & opinions with others & I’m proud of myself for it. 

Basically, I believe that no matter what skin color you have, what other people in this world believe or what is being conditioned for people to believe, love yourself! No one but you has the power to control your mind & your emotions. It’s not best to give others (especially the wrong kinds of people) all that power in the world. Create your own beauty standard for yourself. Whether you’re of African descent, European descent, whether you’re Asian, Indian & so on, own that! Don’t believe you have to change to fit an unfair & illogical agenda. I love me & I’m not saying that because I feel as though I need to prove that to anyone who walks this Earth. I’m saying that for me & me only. I love my dark skin tone, my features, my mind, my personality, my body, my soul & everything else about me. No one can make me believe differently. You should love everything about yourself too. That’s one of the ways to survive in a world where there’s no balance & where there’s negativity everywhere. Spread positivity & you should be just fine in this life. I thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this very important piece of mine. This was probably all over the place, but that’s just me. Lol. Until next time.

Natasha Moran (ReneeRose🌹)