Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

I do not have the strength to hang on tight these days. My grip gets weaker and weaker, and I can feel myself sliding down to the end of the rope. Yes, I am at the end of my rope. 

Not that long ago, I believed that my life had changed for the better. I was sober and even to this day I am still sober,  but if you were to ask my relatives they would tell you,  "Once an addict always an addict" and that is no exaggeration. My marriage was better than it's ever been before. So I thought. My son and I were closer than ever and I could not be in a happier place. 

Just when I thought that my life was going in the right direction, it took a turn for the worst and I never seen it coming. I lost it all, everything I worked my ass off for was turned upside down, shaken and taken away from me, once again. 

Today my life isn't anything close to where it was eight months ago. I've cried myself to sleep wishing this whole thing was nothing more than a bad dream. 

Last year at this time I was psyched about the holidays. Christmas was always my favorite time of the year and after JJ was born, it was even more exciting. Baking Christmas cookies together of every kind, decorating the tree, watching dad hang the lights outside because I sure as hell wasn't climbing up to the second story on a ladder. But first and foremost, being together as a family. This year not so much. Who knows, maybe things will fall into place in 2019, only time will tell. As for 2018, I'll be glad when the ball drops in Times Square on New Year's. Only 17 more days to go!