Category : Diary/Journal

Sub Category : N/A

Sometimes I truly hate my existence! Like let's be honest. I'm black, I live in poverty, I'm a single mom, I start things and never see them through...I'm horrible. I want to do more with myself, but I do not have the mental capability to do so. My son is 2 yrs. Old I want him to have a healthy yet magnificent life. I'm afraid that my poor decisions to do what I want would rub off on my children and they will be the same as me. I feel like I'm a nobody. Nobodies recognizes the no's that affect our bodies when we are deprived of something that we may want or need. I feel as if I'm being black at the wrong time. So what do you suggest I do? Seek help, not all the time is that the answer for everyone. Take it 1 day at a time, do we really know what that means? Pray, I believe in prayer I believe in God, what do you do for your own personal self doubt? Waiting on someone to give you there answers to how they deal with life can take years because let's face it, NO ONE HAS MASTERED LIFE. I was surfing the web and I stumbled across a video on youtube that answered almost all of my questions unintentionally. The things that's stuck out to me were when the doctor said "are lives are already pre-lived" I'm like what???? When we have dreams about specifics areas in our life like our careers, the people we date, our goals, accomplishments, failures, our nightmares, all the trauma is already written in our plan for our lives, that in the dream it may not be the exact way it was but something is going to stick out to make you realize that "I've seen this before". Sometimes we relive the same reality over and over again because we didnt understand just want the message in the bottle was saying to us back then. I know it feels as if your a bit disappointed. Don't be! The areas to make and mold and shape a child as everyone says is the sponge years 1-7 that is the time to give a child everyone they need to make it through this life. Even as an adult we can break alot of our habits to produce a way better outcome that can also lead to an awesome income. You have to start with self. You have to undue everything that was done. Clearly your not going to re-due everything but when you catch something upon arrival change it then. Get use to the change. Like for instance, a loaf of bread why do we skip the very first piece to take the second and third as our first choice and not the first and second as the first. Simple change the way you do things because once your conscious mind gets and understands the change. It will change in your subconscious. It then becomes a way of live. I cant change any of the things I would like to change but I can change my ways and habits to still having a better life. Change can come at 30, 40, 50, 60, 70, 80 etc. It doesn't matter how old you think you may be anyone who is someone and still has breath can change at anytime it all depends on you. "So be the you that you know you can be because the we that we were yesterday is in the past and the person I am today is just simply ME"~cherlaka.