Have Mercy Read Count : 10

Category : Blogs

Sub Category : Miscellaneous

2018 .... you have been quite a trip! And you know what? I am ready to let you go. I am so ready to cut off the strings. You weren't the easiest to deal with or the happiest to endure so I am ready to draw the curtain and say adios to the disappointments, the let downs, the moments you had brought me down to my knees and the times where you pushed me to the point where I had almost given up on hope. Damn, you've been brutal! 


On the flip side, I learned. 


2018 .... you are a tough teacher that taught me things the hard way. You taught me that nothing is ever predictable especially people. You taught me that family, whether blood or chosen, could easily discard my value in times of crisis, you taught me that friends could replace me when they find new ones, you taught me that people can lie to my face and break my heart without any regard to my feelings. Most important of all, you taught me how to stand alone, which by the way, was probably the hardest lesson for me, but I get your point. You wanted me to learn that the only person I can control is me and the only person I can really count on is also me. You wanted me to learn not to get too attached to people or trust too much or love too much, and you wanted me to learn to always protect myself even from the closest people to my heart. Those were hard lessons and for that, I thank you. 


2018 ... I thank you for all the pain, the betrayal, the unpleasant surprises, and the confusion because they had all opened my eyes. I thank you for the countless nights you made me sleep with tears in my eyes, for  making the happy times short-lived, and for not going the way I wanted you to go. It made me look deeper within myself and made me look at things from many different angles, something which I probably wouldn't have done if the ride had been smooth and easy. Who knows, maybe there is something about you that will help me in the years to come. Or maybe as much as I want to forget you,  you will be the year I look back on as my guide and reference to avoid future disasters, or make me think twice before getting close to someone again, or maybe you'll be the year that brought me closer to myself and that will actually make all the difference. 


It may not seem like it, but in truth, I appreciate you. 


2018 ... despite all the chaos, the drama and the hooha you brought my way, you also brought me a lot of blessings, a lot of laughter, a lot of unforgettable moments and people, and a lot of memories that I know will make me smile for many years to come. Ironically, as much as you sometimes made me feel dead inside, you also brought me moments that made me feel alive like never before. You had your way of making up for the bad and hard times and I appreciate you for making a few things better. I appreciate you for giving me just enough to keep me going, to keep me believing, to look forward to what's coming next, and to have faith that the best is yet to come. 


However, I am going to get over you. 


I am already healing from the wounds you gave me and I am already looking ahead. I am done living in the sad story you had written for me. I am done being the victim of your play. I am done letting you drain my energy. I am done dwelling on the 'what ifs' that you didn't let me live, and I am done trying to make everything happen before your time comes to an end. Honestly, you weren't the year for me and it's time to let you go and move on. 


2019 ... truthfully, I don't know what to expect from you. I have no idea what you have in store for me. I don't know if you'll be better or worse, but I know that I am ready for you. I survived the storms of 2018 and now I am ready to write a new story on your empty pages, literally. My only hope is that this time it is going to be a story with a happy ending, and I hope that you are the year for me. 


2019 .... I am ready for you. At least, as ready as I can be. I will do you right and embark you with a clean slate. I will look at you as a fresh start to write the next phase of my journey and I will believe in you that you have my best interest at heart and lead me to where I'm supposed to go. I will face you with anticipation, exhilaration, and elation at the untold adventures and memories we are going to make together. I will embrace your seasons, your lessons, and your many surprising twists and turns that I know will eventually make sense. 


You will be my blank canvas to paint all my wildest dreams and highest hopes, you will be my motivator to tear down the impossible odds and stumbling blocks looming ahead, you will be my champion advocating on my self-love and reminding me to focus more on myself, you will be my lighthouse to guide me faithfully out of troubled water and risky endeavour, and you will be a friend I can count on, embracing all my flaws and insecurities while never failing to see the best in me. 


2019 .... I will make it a year of me. 


It's time to step up my game and push harder to make it a better year than the previous one. It's now or never. It's time to get serious in thinking and planning on all that I hope to achieve and come up with a concrete plan to materialize it. It's my turn to shine, my turn to soar, my turn to focus completely on myself instead of worrying about other people's problems and putting others' needs before mine. 


2019 .... you won't be the hero to save me, but you will be my mentor to shape me into a stronger lead character that takes charge of my life boldly, firmly, and confidently. You won't be the sweet victory that falls effortlessly into my lap, but you will be the result of my hard work, perseverance and resolve. You won't be merely an outcome that I desperately seek, but you will be a journey that allows me to get to know myself even better than I do now. 


2019 .... I will be brave for you. 


I promise that no matter what looms ahead, I will face it with courage, optimism, and resilience that I will be okay. I promise to not think of the worst or submerge myself in negativity. I promise to remain true to myself and continue to pursue the things that make my heart race and my blood sizzle with unstoppable energy. I promise to stay away from people with toxic behaviour and let go of the past that hurt me. I promise to surround myself with likeminded people who encourage and inspire me to be a better version of Zee. I promise to toss away my outdated belief and misguided fear that chained me to everything that had held me back and held me down. I will make the move towards everything I ever wanted and let my dreams take flight. 


So 2019 .... 

Are we on the same page? 

Can I count on you to have my back? 

Will you make it an easier and smoother journey for me? 

Will you cut me some slack and give me a break for a change? 


2019 .... please have mercy on me. 

Comments

  • Dec 13, 2018

  • Dec 13, 2018

  • good work

    Dec 13, 2018

  • Dec 14, 2018

  • Maurice  Beres

    Maurice Beres

    Your grasp of words and emotions continue to amaze me-you hit a lot of nails on the head in this one and you showed how to take negatives and convert them into positives Masterful job

    Dec 16, 2018

  • Love the write!

    Dec 17, 2018

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